The Trials and Tribulations of Smokey Bear

Smokey Bear, to this point, had lived what appeared to be a very charmed life. From a young age, he was touring around the country, being painted for billboards and signs, acting in public safety addresses, and playing the part of mascot for the United States Forest Service. He was paid well, known and beloved by almost everyone, and a full-fledged American icon. But, like most child stars, there was a darkness lying just beneath that glimmering veneer.


Smokey's father, Blazey Bear (who went on to achieve some fame of his own as an unofficial mascot for the marijuana smoking community), had been a huge part of Smokey's rise to fame. Blazey was a Park Bear, one of those bears that lives in human parks instead of deep in the wilderness. While many other Park Bears could be found pillaging coolers and sniffing around tents for scraps of food at night, Blazey would break into the offices of various forest rangers and steal contact information, memos, classified dossiers, and countless stale donuts. He was as hungry for information as his colleagues were for trail mix and half-eaten cans of baked beans.


But why? Surely there was more valuable sustenance to be found amongst the park visitors and their poorly secured trash bags. And sure, he could have lived a simple existence, dining on that luxurious camper cuisine and cavorting around with his old bear friends. But there was only one thing that Blazey Bear cared about - climate change. He wasn't quite sure how or IF he could do it, but he thought his best chance was to infiltrate the US Forest Service and somehow alert the humans to the impending doom they were creating for themselves and their planetary bedfellows.


One day, while pillaging the office of a ranger at his home park, the Lincoln National Forest, Blazey made a discovery that would change the course of his life. It was a memo from someone at the US Forest Service titled "PSA Mascot Competition - Submit Yours Today". The Forest Service was fielding ideas for a mascot they could use in an upcoming national Public Service Announcement about the dangers of wildfires. And Blazey knew exactly how he was going to capitalize on it.


He sprinted out of the office, down the stairs, through the sprawling field of campsites, past the park entrance, and toward his family's den a few miles away. He rushed in, grabbed a rake, a bucket, and some matches, kissed his sleeping wife and son, and was on his way to a specific section of forest, a spot he knew would be perfect to put his plan into action.


When he reached the spot, Blazey Bear began piling kindling and shoveling leaves around a few long-dead trees, lying dry and still on the forest floor. After 30 minutes, he had built a giant mound of dry, flammable materials around the fallen trees. Once it was big enough to achieve what he needed it to achieve, he got ready to light a match and set the whole thing ablaze.


Sow what was Blazey up to? His plan was relatively simple on the surface - he'd light a fire that was big enough to draw the attention of the rangers and the nearby fire station (but not big enough to do any real damage) and then, once they arrived on the scene, they'd find him scooping buckets of water out of the nearby stream with his mouth and pouring them on the fire. He figured that the sight of a bear fighting a wildfire by scooping buckets of water with his mouth would be enough to force the rangers to make the connection between the wildfire PSA mascot competition and Blazey. He thought that by faking this act of heroism, he could become the new official mascot of the US Forest Service. Was it dangerous? Yes. Was it slightly stupid? Yes. But in the end, Blazey's ultimate goal was to fight climate change, and he needed a platform to do it.


As he daydreamed about all of the positive change he would make, he lit the match and threw it on the pile of debris. The flame slowly leapt from a few leaves to some smaller sticks, quickly beginning to lick the underside of one of the fallen trees. Entranced by the growing fire and full of hopes and dreams for everything he could accomplish as the mascot of a large government agency, Blazey hadn't noticed his son, Smokey, hiding in the brush.


"HI DAD!" exclaimed Smokey, leaping from the bushes in an attempt to scare his father. They played this game a lot, and usually it was Smokey getting scared. But not this time.


"AHHHH! Son what are you doing here?" gasped Blazey, completely taken aback by his son's sudden appearance.


"Wow Dad, I got you so good. I don't think I've ever scared you that bad," laughed Smokey, walking around the rapidly growing bonfire to greet his father, smiling that strange bear smile.


"Ha, yes son, you got me good. What are you doing out here? It's far past your bedtime and this fire could be quite dangerous," replied Blazey, trying to figure out how to get his son away from the scene without sacrificing the plan.


"Well you know how sometimes you take me out to look for food with you? Well, I was having trouble sleeping and thought maybe I could come join you tonight," said Smokey.


"Erm, well, most nights I would say that's a great idea. But I'm afraid tonight it's just not going to...." replied Blazey before he was cut off by a giant gush of flame shooting high into the sky. What Blazey hadn't considered (and you couldn't really blame him, he was just a bear) was that the fallen trees, so dry and arid from years of rot, were incredibly, dangerously flammable. He thought the pile he'd created could only possibly create a small to medium sized brush fire, but in reality it had been a tinderbox waiting to explode beyond his wildest imagination.


The flames didn't dissipate, soon beginning to spread to other dead, still-standing trees that dotted the forest canopy. At this point, Blazey was ready to completely abandon his plan and get himself and his son to safety. He grabbed Smokey and headed for the path that would bring them home, but upon reaching it, realized that the fire was spreading like...well, wildfire...and that it was already blocking the usual path home. He darted back toward an alternative path, but story was the same. He realized with astonishment that they were actually engulfed in the heart of a rapidly expanding forest fire, the exact kind that he was trying to become the mascot of preventing. The irony wasn't lost on him (he was a very ironic bear) but it was overwhelmed by absolute fear and the realization that he had likely caused the death of not only himself, but his beautiful, guileless son as well.


He heard approaching sirens, but the walls of flame were bearing in on the father and son. So he did the only thing that he could think to do, and the last thing he would ever do - he laid his son down on the ground and covered him with his own body, hoping that his body may be able to protect Smokey if and until the firefighters were able to diminish the blaze. Before long, he was choked by the smoke, losing consciousness. He would never regain it.


As you may have guessed, Blazey's plan did ultimately come to fruition, just not quite as he'd envisioned it. The wildfire firemen were able to douse the fire, preventing it from doing any more damage. As the forensic team came to investigate what had caused this seemingly random wildfire, they found an adult bear, lying in protective cover on top of his child. The adult had died, but beneath him lay an unconscious but still-breathing bear cub.


As they hurried Smokey away to the nearest veterinarian, one of the firemen looked over at the park ranger who accompanied them and said, "If this isn't perfect for the PSA competition, I don't know what is."


From that moment on, Smokey's life would never be the same. Encompassed by grief of his father's loss, he dove headfirst into his role as the official mascot of the US Forest Service, moving to Los Angeles to be nearer to all of his media engagements. But he would never tell a living soul, human or bear, that his father had been the ultimate cause of the wildfire that made him the face of wildfire prevention.



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