He didn’t know how he got here would Tricia be pissed was his first thought as it often was Had he fucked up, fallen off the wagon again ? There was a haze around everything that suggested he had but at the same time he felt strangely sober in control had he blacked out? The fog was different this time though something felt strange. There were two doors in front of him. Tricia he called somehow knowing there would be no answer and then as if in a trance began walking towards them . He didn’t know this part of town. The people on the streets were in such a hurry they seemed almost invisible and in a daze he started towards the doors. What pulled him there he did not know or rather did not want to know. But the pit of his stomach was more than uneasy. It reminds him of the time Tricia’s tears were the only thing that had the power to bring him out of his coma. How could he continually put her in these fucked up situations. He knew he loved her for many reasons. Her sweet naïveté. Her insistence that he was the victim of a disease no different than cancer. But if he had cancer he would not have to lie about it. No matter how many times she pleaded with him to be honest. He just couldn’t seem to pull it together. Now the doors became clearer and a wave of nostalgia and clarity enveloped him. He could take the door to the left and wake up to Tricia hitting him with narcan for the umpteeth time. Or he could take the door to the right. Step into whatever afterlife was waiting for him and stop this cycle of pain. Tricia was still young beautiful but if he saddled her with his problems for the next 10 years it would only become harder and harder for her to move on. He gathered what little courage he had. Whispered I love you Trish this is for you and opened the door on the right. He barely had time to comprehend the beauty coming from the adjacent door before the blackness he had been chasing his whole life overtook him. It only took an instant and then he was gone.