Christmas lights are a little dimmer this year

I know on the outside strong is how I appear

But Grief has followed me this year with a vengeance

When I’m in crowded rooms I see him in attendance

I held in these tears I wanted to shed

Layed in bed trying to hold it together

Don’t want my family to see me break down so I weather the storm.

I put a smile on my face that’s laced with pain and held together by pride

Nothing to hide and still I put on a mask

I tell myself I’m ok when I ask

I tell myself I can put this in the past but

The pain always returns to sender because I never addressed it I only suppressed it

I realized the world doesn’t stop turning

The moment I realized my heart doesn’t stop yearning.