I’m sat hunched over my desk as I stuff my face between checking personal emails on my phone . This is standard behaviour for me so no one comments as I’m usually back to answering work emails within a few minutes.

We’d got a lot on today as we were a bit behind after yesterday when Fiona left the office in floods of tears. She’s back in today but we still don’t know what’s happened and Steve (the boss) won’t let us ask her about it.

We’d started the day trying to be cheerful to cheer her up a bit but that got frowned upon - there’s some visitors from the board here today so we’re expected to be on our best behaviour in case they come into our part of the building. So it’s serious faces all round, heads down, focusing on our work. Until lunch.

I did a quick look around me before grabbing my lunch bag out of my desk. As there were no directions lurking I felt safe enough to have my usual break. Normally there’s some chit chat as the others on the team decide on what they’re doing, however the miserably wet, grey weather outside is reflecting the mood inside. Cassie, the office joker, has another attempt to lift everyone’s spirits then gets a hissed command to keep it quiet from Steve and a hurt look from Fiona, so she returns to silently flicking through a magazine.

I’m continuing my quick email check, deleting the junk, as normal, scanning the news alerts then deleting them, as normal, trying not to be tempted to buy anything so deleting those, as normal….ooh, what’s this? Lucky Lotto? Exciting news about my ticket! Yeah right! Strictly telling myself not to get excited, like all the times before, it’s only going to be enough to cover one ticket, like it always is.

I tell myself to ignore it, pack my lunch things away and get back to work.

It’s eerily quiet, they’d even turned off the radio because of the VIPs.

Fiona looks like she’s going to burst into tears any time anyone says anything.

Steve keeps looking up from his pc to glare.

The sensible voice in my head, telling me to just get through the day, is being drowned out now by the nagging thought that this might actually finally be the exciting result I keep hoping for.

I cave into my own nagging but tell myself it’s on condition I keep absolutely quiet no matter what. It might be a bit of a rough day but they’re typically a nice bunch to work with. Steve’s just under a lot of pressure at the moment from Head Office about efficiency & conforming to company imposed methods of working and Fiona is often the first one to comfort anyone who’s upset.

I grab my phone back out, holding it just under the desk I log onto my Lucky Lotto account, still taking quick glances around, I feel myself holding my breath and my pulse quickens.

The double doors to the office are opening but I can’t tear my gaze away from my phone. I can see my eyes reflecting back from the screen as they grow wide and start to gleam. I start to feel faint as I’ve been holding my breath for so long.

As though from miles away I am aware of Steve introducing some of the team to the directors. Still holding my breath and with eyes wide, I pull myself so I’m sat properly at my desk, my phone still on my lap but now completely hidden.

I’m almost trembling now and want to grin from ear to ear but they’re approaching my area now. I move my mouse and try to concentrate on the work in front of me.

As Steve points me out as an example of the hard work and dedication the board are after, I tear my eyes away from the space an inch from the screen and look round, a strange fixed grin on my face.

Steve continues on the tour mentioning that it’s an exceptionally busy day today and one of the directors commenting back that it’s clear on our faces how keen we are to get on with it so they won’t disturb us any longer.

As they head out of the doors, I start to let out the air I feel I’ve been holding for years. Still trembling I turn back to the monitor.

Steve comes over to me “it’s okay”, as he gives me a reassuring smile, “ I was nervous the first time I met someone as important as a director.”