* I told him not to worry, that we all get paranoid, that everything will work itself out and that in time he would see it for himself. I told him that 17 days ago, the last time I saw my big brother.

He had been telling me for months that he felt like someone was following him. And now his phone is off. His apartment is completely empty and his car was found at the bottom of Petite Bay, also completely empty. And that was 3 days after he went missing.

Initially, I wracked my brain for clues. I thought about all the things he had said to me about seeing a man in a baseball cap whenever he was alone. About the black sedan parked in different locations just outside his apartment or his boyfriends apartment. I sat outside both places for days on end. I sat outside his favorite book store, his most frequent bar, his job, his gym. I saw nothing. So I went deeper

I scoured through old texts pictures emails anything I could find. Nothing.

So now here I am, day 17 and the only thing I have so far is that Tommy, the only person I could rely on in this world is gone and the last thing I said to him is it will be alright. Im such a fucking idiot. Maybe if I had just listened, taken him seriously. Maybe I would have been around or called someone or at the very least seen something with him. But no, I had dismiss him and go on about my stupi— *

*knock on window*

“What do u want Pat? Im in the middle of researching?

Pat leans through the car window and peers at my monitor for a moment, “it looks like you’re writing. U have anything?”

“No.” I said closing the laptop quickly

“Well, if you’re gonna act all shady I can just go if u want.”

“What did you want Pat?” I asked removing tears and snot from my face with Tommy’s hoodie.

Pat sighed, looked around briefly then said he didn’t want anything but he figured if I was going to sit outside his place like this he might as well offer me something warm to drink. This was strange. Pat and I have never gotten along. He blamed me for not being around enough or supportive enough. And I blamed him for convincing Tommy that all of his personality defects were because of our deceased parents.

“Thanks for the tea” I whispered staring straight into the mug.

“Listen Im going to keep this brief. Because clearly neither of us want you here. Your brother was in some shit before he left. He ask— “

“What do you mean he left? You have known where he was this whole time and you didn’t tell me? You watched me spiral for fucking weeks and didn’t say shit? I knew you were a piece of work Pat but this is a whole new fucking level. I have no fucking clue what Tommy saw in your piece of human dog shit ass”

“Are you finished?” He responded after taking a sip. “I know you’re under a lot of stress so Im gonna pretend you didn’t say any of that but if you want any chance of seeing your brother again you need to listen to me. I don’t know where he is or where he was going when he left. Tommy has always given me the bare minimum about his business. He said it was to keep me safe. And honestly, I didn’t mind it until now.” He paused and pushed his tears back. “Look, the last thing he told me was he wasn’t safe here and he had to leave. He made me swear to stay here and not to tell you anything then he left me this number.” He slid a ripped piece of sketchbook paper across the table. “Said it was for emergencies. I have this and one of his old laptops that Im sure he didn’t mean to leave behind. I wasn’t gonna give you either because I made him a promise. But I cant keep watching you chase your own tail like this and I doubt you’re gonna stop anytime soon. Am I right?”

I nodded sheepishly but without sacrificing a second of eye contact.

“Am I right?” He repeated louder

“Y-yes. I stuttered.

“Right, so Ill give you what I have and here’s all I know…