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(It’s Always Been You

By: Caleb Hearn

Listen to it or not. But it’s a super uplifting and kind song. Thank you!)

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Sitting on the cold tile, her legs criss-crossed beside the toilet bowl. Tears trace down her flamed cheeks, the fever just now setting in. She’d vomited twice and dry heaved once. Her toes were cold stubs, while her hands were earthquakes on the end of her arms. Her heartbeat was faster than a southern hummingbird, billions of miles an hour in her ears and chest.

“It’s over,” he’d said, slamming the door two weeks ago. He left with his bags, his jacket, and her anniversary gift; a new pair of Nikes that he’d eyed for three months in a Hibbett Shoe storefront. She’d ran to the window and watched his truck speed away.

His scent still clung to her clothes, as if it were afraid to let go. She’d go about her day and catch his smell. Sometimes, she’d wait to feel his arms around her waist as she stood in front of the fridge. The hunger to feel and see him was so gritty and tugging, she just 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 him.

Just to wrap herself up in his strong, warm arms again. To have him cook her breakfast on Saturday mornings, shirtless and gorgeous, his deep brown eyes beckoning to her from the stove. The smell of pancakes wafting through the sunlit kitchen, dust particles around them as they sway to the music on the television set. How he would scoop her up and carry her around, spinning her until she squealed. She just wanted him to lay her down again, his veiny hands in her hair as he watched her slip into sleep.

She missed kissing his deep brown hair while he was asleep on her chest, snoring softly after his shift at work. She missed so much, yet all she got from it was a fist full of tears a positive pregnancy test. Not that it wasn’t something. It was just too much, too late.

She couldn’t tell him, he wouldn’t even read her messages. She couldn’t call him, she’d been blocked. He’d disappeared from work, home and his family’s house. Was it bad she still loved him? That she wanted to make him a father even still?

This is why she was surprised when he showed up on her doorstep a week later, rain was falling, forming into a storm outside her door. The fresh water fell off his lashes and hair, dripping to the steps in front of her. She didn’t have to ask why he was there: the regret was on his face like the rain. She knew she wouldn’t see his tears in the downpour. She didn’t try, nor did he try to see hers.

“Hi,” she breathed shakily.

He didn’t reply, he just took one giant step forward and crushed her in a hug so tight, it stole her breath away. She cried harder, wrapping her arms around his neck. His eyes closed and together they breathed in each other’s scent while the tears rolled slow.

“I’m pregnant,” she blubbered into his chest once he’d half released her. “I’m pregnant and sorry,” she finished with her head in his chest.

…

“Now it’s you, it’s always been you. So let the doors open wide, ‘cause standing there is my whole life. I’ve waited long enough to say ‘I do’.”

— Caleb Hearn

“But you left when I needed you most. I guess hearts like mine were meant to be broke. I know, I thought we had more time. When you left— didn’t know what I’d lost. You only know it’s love when it’s gone. And not it’s too late.”

— Camylio

…

To Icarus!

To Drew!

To Shadow!

To Kallian!

To _________ !

To Just Another Teenage Girl!

To Fluffy Frog!

To Cannibal!

And to Mia!