Some days, it feels like I have nothing

I lie in bed, alone, not worthy of loving

I find it hard to connect, I find it hard to be trusting

I don’t go out, for I’m scared of their judging

On days where everything feels so wrong

And I feel in my heart that all hope is gone

I can put on some music and feel the soul of a song

And for a touch, a whisper, I feel strong

There may be days where that strength doesn’t last

When the songs and the music only stir up the past

So perhaps I instead find my favourite book

And curl up in my bed like a crook

For a while I will feel engrossed in the story

But then it will start to do less and less for me

The words start to feel more and more corny

And eventually the book will start to bore me

I get frustrated and throw the book on the floor

I hide under the covers, I can do this no more

I want this pain to stop, I want it to end

Then I hear a chirp from my phone, it’s a text from a friend

‘Haven’t seen you in a while, how have you been?’

‘Are you going to come out this Halloween?’

My mood perks up and I smile at the screen

I tell her my feelings and come totally clean

I smile to myself as I lay on my bed

But an hour later my feelings hang by a thread

Because I know in my heart she has left me on read

So I reach for my phone with a sense of dread

I open the app and it’s just what I suspected

The tears start to flow, I’ve been throughly rejected

The worst part is that it’s just what I expected

I sob even harder feeling thoroughly neglected

I sat there for hours and hours and cried

I calmed down, I breathed deep, and the tears dried

I realised that to myself I had lied

Because the best kind of hope comes from inside

I realised external forces were only temporary

And that the well of my Hope was within me

I needed to stop being the person people wanted me to be

I needed to be myself to be free