“Life has been busy I'm sorry I couldn't be there sooner some things just got out of hand but I'll make the trip tomorrow,” I said when I called my mom for the first time in years the call index on my phone piled up to 120 missed calls and voicemails tomorrow turned into a week then a week into a month

Until six years

I'm sorry I haven't been living the life you wanted me to and I'm sorry for being rebellious when I was younger I never should have stepped into that bar but I'm ready to be the person you want me to be as I said to myself while driving home I pulled into the driveway got out of the car then walked up the sidewalk to the porch I felt my hands shaking would I be welcomed back bad thoughts fled into my head I shook away the anxiety knocked on the door then waited She would have come to the door by now I went around back through her flower garden to the back door and came inside she always left the back door open I went inside when I got to the living room she wasn't there so I checked the kitchen and her bedroom then, at last, I checked her study room and to my horror there laid her lifeless body with a her phone inches away

(Three weeks later )

My mom is gone she passed on the house it had to go I couldn’t pay the rent I was sitting on my couch reading the words she never spoke she was battling cancer I never knew,

In her voicemails, it sounded like she wanted a better relationship. If I had only called things would have been different Mom I'm sorry! I love you. But no amount of words can bring you back because you're gone.