As you get older you start to lose qualities that you wish would never leave. Some say the skinniness of their childhood bodies, some say the airless weight of responsibility. But others wish for something much deeper.

Will.

Motivation.

They grow older and older. More tired by the minute.

It’s sad, really, seeing many people fail to succeed because of a horrible hollowness that squeezes its way in. It settles into your gut, replacing the feeling that kept you going; the feeling that kept you wide awake. Then another feeling forces it’s way into your heart. It pushes out everything else that matters. And all that is left?

Hopelessness.

Every turn and every twist. You see it when your challenged. You see it with your goals. How can you escape such an awful feeling when all the other ones were pushed so deep; into the depths of your toes — into the shadows of the cracks. How do you find something that you lost?

What’s worse though, is knowing that you’re losing it. It’s worse when you feel your hope and your will slowly creep away from you. You feel every bloody moment as it drains from your body.

Now that hopelessness suffocates you. Your breathes are short and gasped; you hate yourself for the struggle. You hate that such an easy thing is so hard to do.

After awhile —after you’ve caught your breath— you sit and think. Because running is too much to do. Working out is too much to do. Eating is too much to do. Thinking -sometimes- is too much to do. But you think anyway, and you try to remember what it was like to have fun. What it was like to be aggressive on the court or the on field again. You try to remember wanting to do something other than sitting or sleeping. But you can’t, because you have forgotten, just like me.

I have forgotten.