**Starseed - ****_an entity of extraterrestrial origin that incarnates on earth to help humanity and heal the planet._**

My grandmother always told me I’d die alone.

“It’s just the way it has to be,” she’d say. “Starseeds can’t afford to get stuck in the Wheel of Karma. Especially not right now.”

And in reference to Karma, my mom added with a giggle, “That bitch can hold a grudge.”

According to her and Grams I had an obligation to help humanity. It was a slightly sad truth I took several years to accept, but this “life” of mine was essentially just a job. What is commonly known as a Soul Contract.

Destiny. Fate. Life Blueprint. There are many names for that thing inside each of us that drives and directs our journey through reality, no matter how inconsequential or mundane any one particular individual’s existence may seem. It’s all meticulously planned and orchestrated by beings of such vast energetic capacity and intellectual functioning that I dont even try to conceptualize it anymore. I don’t need to understand everything in order to fulfill my purpose. I know that— but fuck do I hate not understanding what the hell is going on inside me or around me.

My soul’s agenda in particular was of the highest nobility, according to Grams. An obligation only few would consider taking on and yet one I volunteered for eagerly and accepted with honor and gratitude.

I feel compelled to make it known that these things I just shared are only things I’ve been told by the people who shaped me. I can’t say I _know_ all this to be fact because I haven’t yet developed the skill of believing in something without experiential evidence. Grams says that will come with time. “As your higher self settles into this vessel and your wisdom is more readily available to you,” she reminds me on days when my human emotions are heightened and my self-doubt is soaring.

For now, I function solely off the trust I put in mom and Grams and their— I mean _our _beliefs. Because that’s really all I have: their words and my ability to trust in them. The intensity in which I cling to what they claim to know is something that could be catastrophic for me. But only if they’re wrong. All they have to do is not be wrong.

Sometimes I sit up at night just blowing my own mind thinking about the fact that I have all this knowledge and wisdom locked somewhere deep inside me but I _purposefully_ made myself forget it, so that I could experience new things and grow. I’ve lived hundreds of lives on dozens of planets and I have no accessible memory to any of it. Just the words of the women that raised me and the tiniest little itch somewhere in the back of my mind — which I’m not even sure is real or right — that says “You feel the truth in what they claim.”

From what I’ve been taught, I won’t remember who I was before I got here until I can fully integrate my shadow self. But I gotta figure out how to love that bitch first.

Accorrding to starseed lore, all conscious life has a place of origin where it first manifested. The term Human doesn’t mean from Earth. “Human” only pertains to beings on earth that think they’re just the fleshy material that eats and sleeps and works. To any Star Race of importance, Earth’s name is Gaia and her children, the souls whose first carnation is from her flesh, are referred to as Gaians. My mother and grandmother are Gaians and although my soul is supposedly eons older than theirs, they are far ahead of me in terms of self-mastery. And yet they act like I am a child progidy. And they regard themselves so lowly it makes my eyes sting sometimes.

“Just wait,” they always tell me. “Once you awaken, you’ll see. We are blind compared to you. It’s just the Gaian condition.”

And usually that triggers a quick circle back to why it’s so important that I stay lonely forever.

“Staying grounded is important for your vitality but you can’t let your frequency adjust to this heavy dimension and that’s why you musn’t settle too deeply. Gaia needs _your_ light and _your_ energy right now — NOT the other way around. And you’ll need to take special care to keep your freedom. Entanglement with other souls here is so difficult to avoid but guarantees entrapment.”

Honestly, I was surprised they didn’t noticed the change in me. I guess they did a little too good of a job at teaching me how to shield my energy. Because my baby had already been fluttering excitedly around in my belly before they ever even caught on. In fact, one day I decided to just come clean and tell them.

“You’re… pregnant? Leaura, you’re pregnant. Pregnant? Leaura…”

My grandmother looked gray. With my heightened senses I could see her energy signature shift, like the life force was about to explode right out of her in a flash of luminous stardust. And although that description sounds like it’s not a bad thing, I promise I mean it in the worst way.

“Grams, I know.” Grabbing her hand and giving it a tight squeeze, I stared into her terrorized expression with my own look of desparation. “But I can _feel_ that this is okay. This was supposed to happen. I don’t know why. I don’t know if this means I’m going to be stuck here forever, but I just know that this is where I’m at right now and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Please try to trust in my instincts. You’ve always told me they’re the best in this solar system.” I lifted my mouth in a tentative smile and prayed to see something similar in her expression.

Her mouth split wide open in the biggest grin I’d ever seen. At her ripe age of 76 I didn’t understand how she had such perfect teeth and powerful energy, but I didn’t have long to ponder before I was being swept up into a crushing hug that felt strange and different now that I had something delicate growing inside me.

“Oh, honey,” she hiccupped. She was sobbing. In the span of one second she’d went from shocked to overjoyed. What in the world…?

“I hoped. I really did. I just didn’t think… Leaura you’re pregnant! Does your mother know? OH GOD, VIVICA! Where are you?!” She had her head tipped back now, yelling at the ceiling.

My eyes began to swell with moisture. Reaching out to steady Grams frame which was practically vibrating with excitement, I dipped my head to make eye contact with her.

“Grams,” I said, with a gentle but stern tone. “Aren’t you at least curious about who the father is?”

And just like that Grams went just one shade paler and I didn’t need to ask to know why.

I uttered just one word: “Now.”

And the man I knew she would love stepped from the foyer into our kitchen, into view of my wide-eyed grandmother. Her mouth was still open when my mother finally came barreling down the stairs, surely in distressed by the way Grams had screamed her name.

But once she saw the scene before her she dropped into a silent assessment. Her eyes flickered between me and then Grams, and then it darted to the man I was in love with whom they’d never even known of until this exact moment, and then her eyes whipped right back to Grams.

They locked eyes for several moments. To the point where my skin began to prickle and I had to shift my weight around to relief my sudden anxiousness.

Finally, very slowly, my mothers eyes lowered to my stomach and her mouth slowly fell open.

“It’s okay,” I told her. I don’t know why. She seemed okay based on her expression. Maybe even… elated.

“Okay?” She replied. Her tone was surprisingly exasperated. “Leaura… you realize he’s a starseed too, right? Mom?” Her eyes shifted to my grandmother. “Didn’t you sense that?”

My gradmother gasped and covered her mouth. Me and the father of my unborn child couldn’t do anything but smile at each other.

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Probably some editing issues. I will hopefully have the energy to fix them tomorrow lol.

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