To the five boys who make every second of my life worth living. I love you.

**CT4**

When you were little I’d say, with a smirk and a grin, ‘all the girls are sure going to love you!’

You’d smile so wide and with the cutest of lisps, say “cause my eyes are so big and so blue!”

You’re older now but your eyes are the same, though they’ve already seen far too much.

You watched as your mama nearly bled out, tried to heal her with your angelic touch.

And your big, blue eyes cried for your mother that night, though your own body was broken and sore.

You begged her to live while they flew you away, and you were barely a month more than four.

You laid in her arms while she lay unaware, it was the only place we could get you to sleep.

And every time we went home you screamed and you wailed and I could only stand there and weep.

You were your mama’s best friend and her little sidekick, and your big eyes only knew joy

Now there’s sorrow and hurt mixed in with the smiles and I just miss that pure little boy.

But even through the tears and the heartache and hurt, your blue eyes still light up a room.

Wherever you go, a smile’s never far, you’re the lighthouse defeating the gloom.

The accident stole her mind and her age, now your nine years are older than her,

Though your smile’s still wide and your eyes are still bright, now you also are much more mature.

You cheer your mom on, as if _she_ was the kid, you are patient and loving and kind.

You read her your books, or sing her your songs, and you help her escape her own mind.

**KC3**

You were always my buddy from your very first day, what can I say? You were really just cool.

Had the deepest of voices and the fattest of cheeks, loved Cars and blue hedgehogs and school.

Your humor made us cry from laughing so hard, even at the small, tender age of three.

Now your humor’s unchanged, you still crack up the room, it’s just less frequent than I want it to be.

My very favorite picture from that time in our lives, was the first time you saw your hurt mom.

Her eyes were open but blank, tubes and wires everywhere, but your little heart kept you so calm.

You approached by her side, put your hand on her arm, and told her everything that was new.

And for only a moment, as the camera clicked shut, her blank eyes somehow focused on you.

Her lips quirked up too, there but gone fast, then her face returned back to that nothing.

She’d remain in a coma for seven more weeks, through the winter then part of the spring.

But that picture remains, to remind us of how, even in a deep catatonic state,

You’re still the best laugh, your humor transcends every hurt to alleviate.

And you’re still my best bud, now eleven and big, and you can always make me laugh hard,

You’re a trash talking legend, and the very best Thor, your Mom’s protector and best bodyguard.

Your heart is real gold, and your hugs are a balm, but your words are what save me each day.

You’re hilarious and kind, you love and love hard, healing the world in your own unique way.

**KC2**

You’ve heard this a ton, cause it’s only so true, but you put us through hell and a half,

You were the WORST baby boy, you screamed all night long, terrorized even the hospital staff.

We cried all the time when you cried even more, your poor mom didn’t sleep for a year.

But then one day you just changed, became the BEST little kid, now you’re everything good, kind, and dear.

The second oldest of five, you were always like me, you love learning and soccer and books.

But unlike me you are nice and you love to help out, and you definitely got all the good looks.

You were eight in the crash, newly baptized and meek, cared for your brothers and even your dad,

You were hurting the same, but you helped out instead, with a concussion and bruising to add.

Now you’re nearly 13, a teenaged boy through and through, but still helpful and caring and good.

The best of examples to your brothers and mom, you’ve done the best that you possibly could.

You’re getting so old and so big and so wise, a paragon of a nice, kind young man,

I hope you never grow out of helping all whom you meet, I hope that love always remains your first plan.

You’ve changed through and through from that baby from Hell, you’re angelic and all Heaven-sent,

Your mom is lucky to have you as her cheerleader and help, but she’s more blessed to call you her friend.

I couldn’t do this life without your help and your heart, though sometimes I forget to say Thanks.

But please know you’re the best of the best kind of man, at the tip-top of all of the ranks.

**KC5**

To my mini K Cole, you sweet, perfect child, how your spirit has healed our hurt hearts.

You were safe in the womb til the crash broke your mom, then they lost you as the Helo departed.

But you lived, ‘gainst all odds, and excelled from the start, in the NICU for only five days.

Then you were placed in the arms of your Mom’s loving Mom, in the midst of her deep grieving haze.

My Mom and my Dad were the best mom and dad, but by the time you were placed in their hands,

They were old and retired, having raised their five kids, new babies were not in their plans.

Yet they hadn’t a choice, your perfect Mom was asleep, and would never again be the same,

So your Grandparents moved in and you moved in with them, became their babe in all but in name.

It’s been four years since and now I live with you, your grandparents live two hours away,

But you still ask for them when you wake up at night, and we FaceTime them every day.

You’re the boss of us all (you remind us each day), you are cunning and smart as a whip,

Can count to a thousand by ones, twos, and threes; recite times tables with nary a slip.

I am sure that I’ll never express well enough, the impact you’ve had on my soul,

You were the greatest of joys in a sea of black grief, the ember in a world of charcoal.

You only get better at sparking great love, your spirit has only spread light,

You are the sun in the sky, and the star of our lives, the antitode to every blight.

**CC1**

I left you for last because this is the hardest to write, I don’t even know where to start,

You were the first on both sides, you made me an aunt, the first one to steal my whole heart.

You had the cutest buck teeth and your eyes were so bright, and your laugh - how it lit up a room,

Everything was funny, except cleaning and bees, and you still run from hornets and brooms!

You were happy and glad and carefree and so loved, now you’re loved but that’s all from that list.

You took the brunt of the crash in your heart and your mind, bore the world in your tiny clenched fist.

I wish I could give you back what you lost, I wish I could set your world right.

You had the best of all moms, she was your biggest of fans, then it all changed on that fateful fall night.

You went from great joy to great grief in an hour, in that ambulance, your future began.

Your childhood was over when you watched her heart stop, that night turned you into a man.

You’re 14 years now, but your soul’s 58, though your humor is still probably 5 (😉),

Your heart and your mind are still broken and sad, and your laughter is harder to find.

But C, you’re still good, you’ll always be good, that’s not something that ever will change,

You wear your heart on your sleeve, and you love all you meet, spread kindness in the smallest exchange.

I’m sorry for the way your life has turned out, but I know you will rise far above,

You’re resilient and strong, you have the power within to cover the world with your love.

You five are the light in the darkest of nights, you each carry a beacon inside,

You’ll leave me someday to go spread your wings, great comfort and love you’ll provide

To the ones most in need, the ones trapped in dark, you’ll shine and you’ll help them shine too.

Dear boys you’re my reason for living each day, my whole heart belongs to you.