Dear Gary,

I know it’s only been twenty-three hours since we met, but I think that’s long enough and I need to get something off my chest.Those eye drops I gave you after we blazed? Yeah… not eye drops. And that vape? Not nicotine. Ten minutes ago, you were screaming that you were an eagle, brooding over my bean bag chair, and threatening me with your “Golden Talons.” I’ve never felt so alive. It shattered me when you flew the nest and tried to run into traffic. We were having so much fun tickling you with that feather. But don’t worry about the mess you left on the floor; it’s not the first time someone got that greedy in my living room. We’re so lucky the police picked you up when they did. I was running out of ways to keep you entertained. Who would’ve thought handcuffs were your thing? Gary, I can tell we have a special connection. And I know you feel it too, even when you call me a psycho. I’ve never made a man’s eyes bulge like that before—it was such a turn-on.

Please, do it again next time I see you.

Xo,

Klo