At age eleven, I had killed both my parents. There was nothing wrong with them, quite the contrary. Kind creatures they were. I just craved their flesh and the image of their corpses; it just…calmed something inside of me, though I couldn’t tell you what.

After that incident, my whole world shifted. You see, in our world, people like me are seen as ‘special’ of some sort. The more troubled your mind is, the worse.

My fascination with death made me inhuman—others have it far worse.

[•=•=•]

After my grandparents gained custody of me, I was quickly enrolled into a private school with others of my kind; the world calls us Disordered. I remember wondering what the guards looked liked underneath their military uniforms and their many straps and buckles filled with weapons. I wondered if they were appetizing.

For the first two weeks there, I wasn’t treated like a new kid, it seemed as though the other Disordered there had territory and clans that made up the school. It was all very confusing to me, so thankfully, I found a girl who was obsessed with it. Social interactions and relationships exactly. She had to know everything to let her mind at rest; though it hardly was.

I was wandering in the lunch room, trying to find a new stop as mine had been taken by some older kids who had a Violent Disordered in their clan who could tear you apart without hesitation, when I noticed her staring at me. She had a pencil in her hand and a notebook in front of her, her lunch tray to the side. There was a boy beside her, large glasses and red-hair, a lighter shade than the girl’s, with pale skin and almost identical to the girl. The first thing I thought was that they looked utterly innocent and tender, then I remembered that they were also Disordered, like me, so that would be cruel if I were to consume them. My second thought was that they were twins, which would be proven to be correct soon.

The girl caught my eye and held it, waving for me to come. I did, of course, my legs were getting a bit tired from all the walking. I placed my tray across from the twins before pulling out a chair and sitting down.

“You’re James Dire, yes?” Her voice was curt, signally that this was not really a question.

“Oh…yes.” I wasn’t really much of a talker then.

Her brother looked up at my voice, cocking his head to the side as he studied me. I still wonder today what he saw in my brown skin and eyes; what he saw in that flesh-hungry gaze. Whatever it was, he smiled, pleased, then went back to picking at his lunch.

“We need you to join us—our clan.” The girl stood up and her long skirt swished. “My name is Katrina Walcott. Age twelve and a Social Disordered.” She pointed to her brother, who’s face was stuffed with bread at that point. The boy jumped at the attention and the finger she pointed at him. His face turned red quickly and he soon put his face into the table. “And that,” she said this part with a exasperated sigh, “is my brother Karl, age twelve and also a Social Disordered.”

She sat down then picked up her own bread. “Well, we do need you to join us, but your Disorder will have to be written down. I never got a chance to hear a teacher slip it out.” Karl lifted his head slightly to watch my reaction as his sister was doing, but when he saw me staring intensely at him, he squeaked and put his head back to the table.

“Uh…well….” I fiddled with my fingers a bit, licking my dry lips. “I may be a Eating Disordered or—or a Craving? No, that can’t be right because I also like keeping them and looking at them—“

“Looking at what?” Katrina interrupted. “That would help to classify.”

“Dead bodies.” I answered quickly.

Katrina paused in her eating. Karl peeked up again, eyes wide. I was also aware that the talking around us had stopped. Sweat was forming on my back, a truly uncomfortable sensation. Was I even outcasted in a place of outcasts themselves?

But then Katrina resumed her eating and the conversation began around us again. Karl was still looking at me curiously; I noticed his eyes were the brightest color of sage.

“Well then, you have two—you’re a Dual Disordered,” Katrina said this with interest in her eyes.

“A-A Dual Disordered?” Really? I didn’t know something like that was a thing.

“Yes. Let me give you a history lssson, James, as you clearly need one.” I tried not to feel offended by her statement. “After the First Humans wiped the earth of the rest of humanity, they wanted the next generation to roam to be different; pure.

“So they monitored birth, raising the pure and killing the rest. This was easy at first, but then the birthing went out of their control as more and more humans reproduced. They then resorted to propaganda—if you see an Unpure, or a Disordered as we are called today, hand them in. The First Humans were going to kill them like before, but one of the leaders said that that would make _them _seem Unpure. It was that reason, that selfish reason, why we are all here today. Watched and montiered so we can harness our Disorders and slave away killing in the army or mining uranium. Or the lucky ones, who control their Disorder enough that they’re like the other Blanks in this world.”

Katrina’s face was still, but her chest was heaving in breaths as though to calm herself. Karl raised a hand and stroked her arm gently, and her breathing settled into an easy rhythm. “Thank you, Karl, now where was I?”

“At the part about our outcome after we leave this school.” I said, wanting to be helpful.

But instead of thanking me, Katrina hissed. “This isn’t a school—it’s a military base! Have you not seen those men?”

“W-well yes,” I mumbled, my cheeks warming, embarrassed, “I thought that was for our protection.”

“Only partly. Those men watch us…all the time. Day, evening, night.” Katrina’s eyes go blank. “They’re even watching us right now, I hear their whispers, their heart beats.” She smiled. “That’s what they want to rid of us, you know, this power.”

I was confused. I didn’t know what she was talking about. I was raised in a home where Disordereds were veiwed as disgusting, inhuman creatures from the darkest shadows of hell. Even talking about one made you Unpure. So my knowledge on Disordereds at the time was low to none.

“What power?” I asked.

Katrina’s smile slowly wiped off her face. “You’ll find out soon enough. They talk about it in class.”

The bell rang so suddenly that it made Karl jump. Everyone, except me, stood up and made their way to their classes. Katrina tossed her and Karl’s trays into a trash can, even being as kind to throw mine away as well. “See you soon, James. And take my request in mind—I would love having a Dual Disordered in my clan.” Katrina walked away with that, but Karl stood hesitantly by my side as I picked myself up.

“Oh…hi.” My voice was quiet. Karl fiddled with the hem of his shirt, head down. I saw his mouth moving but no words were coming out. “I’m sorry, could you say it a bit louder?”

Karl looked up, but instead of speaking louder, he moved closer to me. His breath was warm, smelling of bread as he whispered, “I was wondering if you would like to walk to class with me. I know we share the next one, so I…was wondering….” His face turned bright red, then he moved away and began to walk out the cafeteria.

I blinked a few times, trying to process what he said in my mind. When I had, I ran to him. “Hey! Hey, wait up!”

Karl turned to me when I made it to him, and he did the one thing I still love today.

He smiled.

And I, at that moment, felt that maybe this would work out in my favor somehow in this institution. Something about that smile made my heart grow and my confidence surge.

But how wrong I was—sometimes I admire those who stay innocent. How do they stay in that bubble without something sharp snapping them out of it?