Every morning, when Howard awakes from his Taurus like slumber, he checks how the date, of which today is May 15th, 2021, affects his horoscope. This chooses his outfit for the day, if the date does not match his horoscope, and it says that it will be a bad day, he will literally change his outfit to match the sadness. His family thinks he might be goth based off the fact that his horoscope always says today is not “compatible” so he wears all black to match these sad, sad days. He is quite a slim man partially because of his diet, which is purely influenced by ‘how someone of the Taurus horoscope should eat everyday’ catalogue, and the other parts is his great metabolism. He’s tall along with his slimness, with a towering height of six-foot-two, of which he uses to battle his enemies. His enemies you ask? They are none other than the opposing horoscopes, his ex’s, horoscope haters, and some new trend called the rise of the “Karen’s”. Yes, yes our friend he does stay trendy. As we mentioned earlier he does choose his outfits each morning based off of his signs compatibility to the day, but not only this is chosen by the sign, but even his career. After each morning of doing his daily horoscope research he gets out of bed, gets dressed in the compatible outfit of the day, and heads downstairs to the kitchen to make his meal, today’s meal, which is the same as every other day, eggs and bacon, but it’s different because his eggs are cooked as the book says. Next thing is to use his royal blue toilet, well because it’s royal blue it means that he must be royal, no? No he is not, the horoscope told him that his bathroom should be royal because he is in fact royalty to the Taurus, but the bathroom part I have no idea. He then gets into his Prius, now he might not be the most proud Prius owner, or the most environmentally centered person there is considering that he used to work for an oil mining company prior to finding out his destiny in horoscopes. Outside his Prius there is not a single dent, not one, although his ex girlfriend did key his car on his quarterly horoscope prayer date. The inside of his Prius is completely clean, almost as if he might have some sort of OCD but he does not, it’s his trust in the horoscopes that tell him he must keep a prestige Prius, because what could be more manly in the little rural town of Lindsborg Kansas than a bright blue, clean energy, clean air, clean paint, clean inside with a goth driving Prius. On his way to work he stops at the same diner, for the same item, a small pure black coffee, with a clean bagel, again because the horoscope told him to do so. Around twenty minutes after he left the diner he’d be at work, which he worked at an office, a crayon recall office, of which he’d answer calls of people complaining about the companies crayons qualities, can you guess the reason why he decided to get this job, and move from his half million dollar house in Texas, to a cheap trailer in a ghetto trailer park? Well you probably guessed it, based off of how we know Howard so far, you probably said that it was the horoscope, and yes you are in fact correct in your guess of saying it was the horoscope, because he got the job because of the horoscope. It was a major pay cut but it was all worth it in Howard’s mind. The horoscope tells him everything in his life, it got to the point where it would tell him what his type of girls is, so bad that he ended up breaking up with his 9 year long girlfriend. It also chooses what friends he is allowed to have, even removing his best friend, Gary, who is now married with Howard’s ex, was upset at first, but got a wife out of the fight and is now settled. This goes as far to tell him when he can see his family, saying that only two days a year should be used to see family, April 22, and November 24. These two days are in fact random but that’s what the horoscope wants. Dedicated to Sammy, my good friend, Sammy.