I’m dead.

A few moments ago, i had lived and breathed and felt. I had clutched at my heart and wondered at the sharp pain, and then…

I died.

I stood up, glancing around at what would surely be a golden gate welcoming me into paradise. My entire life, I’ve tried and tried and tried. I bowed before my boss, I listened to my mother, I obeyed my ‘friends’, I slaved away at my office job… and now, finally, I had earned an eternal life of peace.

Life had felt like a thing to struggle through, and now I would be rewarded.

I blinked. Once. Twice.

My lovely dream shattered around me as I stared at the black, ominous gates in front of me. Was this…how Heaven looked like? It wasn’t very welcoming…

The gates creaked open and I coughed from the intense heat and smoke that wafted out. I took a couple wary steps forward, starting to shake violently. Sure, I had some dark thoughts during my life, but I never acted on them… I didn’t smash in the head of the boy who cheated on me, I didn’t throw myself off a building, I didn’t punch my boss in the face…

I gulped, my eyes darting to and fro. I kept walking, unable to resist seeing my divine punishment.

When I was a child, I rarely laughed or smiled. My mother told me that one day, when I was 8 and refused to eat, my mother tried to force my mouth open. I stared her straight in the face, and then threw my fork aiming for her eyes. She screamed but thankfully, the aim was sloppy. I laughed at her horror.

Really, I was a golden child starting from 12 years old. I learned that kids were afraid of me, and it was more beneficial to be accepted into the school hierarchy. I learned to conform and obey those above me, I used please and thank you and listened to the rules. Was it not enough to repress my true nature?

I reached some sort of scorched building and went inside. It was dark, only lighted by the red glow from the outside. I felt the weight of eyes on me as I continued walking. I wasn’t sure what I was doing, but since I was already here, why pretend to be scared? I didn’t need to obey any longer.

“Who’s there?” I called into the darkness.

“Alice Littem of Earth. Died on Saturday the 12th of October, at 9:30pm.” A sinister voice said from somewhere to my left.

“Alice Littem of Earth. You do not belong here.” Another voice shouted from behind me.

“What do you mean?” I said, spinning around. The voices seemed to be coming from everywhere.

“Child.” Another voice, deeper and more layered, boomed. “You belong in heaven. This is no place for someone like you.”

I swallowed, suddenly feeling disgusted. Would I really sit in the clouds, pretending to be saintly and good, conforming again? That wasn’t where I belonged, and I knew it.

“I won’t be able to be at peace in Heaven.” I said, my voice echoing. “I have thought dark things. I am not saintly… I don’t want to be there and continue pretending.”

The layered voice took on a thoughtful edge. “Indeed. I can see your thoughts, little human. You are not as innocent as you seem.”

I thought about the intense heat and the darkness that permeated this world. I thought about my own darkness and the horrible thoughts that crawled and scratched at my brain. This was where I belonged.

“May I stay here?” I called. “For eternity?”

“Do you really wish to stay here, the place all humans dread?”

I gulped. “I do.”

“Then you shall.”

The room glowed red for a moment, and I saw the monstrous faces of the voices. Deformed and terrifying as they were, I suddenly felt accepted. I was home.