What many didn’t know was that Santa Claus was what they called a ‘Thousand Year Elf’, which meant in his last century or two he began to look as tattered and torn as his white fur-lined coat. His bones had become brittle, maybe from carrying all that fat for so many years and his appetite had diminished to null, I mean just how many dry cookies and glasses of half-spoiled milk can one being eat and drink. Not to mention the insulin he had to pump himself full with that high sugar intake. The last fifty years of his monotonous life, he had become only a thin slice of what he had once been. He had even given up on his beard and shaved it to the last whisker. His magical reindeer had ended up in the larder centuries ago and and robotic replacements had pulled his sleigh for over two centuries. Though they were then ready for the junkyard, too. The children’s children’s children of his original Elves had rebelled and had been living and populating a slowly sinking tropical island for a hundred years. And worst of all, Mrs. Claus had long ago gone mad and had disappeared along with the last of the ice of the North Pole. Then it happened, the year without gifts, Santa Claus right before climbing on his sleigh filled with the computer made toys felt a tug in his chest, not one of joy and jolliness, but one of severe pain that brought his whole life to an end. It became known as: The Claus Collapse. The Santa Stocks went into free fall when the markets open again two days later.

The weathermen had no one to track that year. Some were smart and programmed their computers to show a phantom blip so that the children would not have to be disappointed. Those poor parents, they had to eat those dry cookies themselves as they poured the milk down their throats and wiped their lactic mustaches away. Quickly they ordered gifts and paid the extra fee for one hour delivery from that behemoth of a company, I think you know the one I mean, it starts with an “A” and stole its name from long ago warrioresses or a forest now no longer there which had covered half of a southern continent. Yes, that one.

So, you see our company has come up with a brilliant idea! It has two parts brilliantly fashioned. One is an APP to be held in your hand, the other can be delivered in less than 24 hours and assembles itself. It is the HCPDS. You might ask what that means? Well, I’ll tell you, it’s the Holiday Cheer Product Distributor Service. It is delivered in a box and with just the touch of a button, it assembles itself to look like an old fashioned fireplace (you can choose from ten styles!) and the stockings hanging there can be programmed by the APP to have the names of the family. No real fire is produced, too much of a carbon footprint for our hazy CO2d skies, but a virtual fire can be remotely controlled with over 20 settings: glowing embers to BONFIRE! What a delight this will be for families and their kids! And best of all within the APP, you have a wide variety of “In APP purchases”, and the most important is the ability to order gifts all wrapped in the way you want that are manufactured from recycled house waste. Anything can be produced for the wishes of the young ones!

And one last thing before you make your orders, the cookies and milk left out can be programmed as a VR-illusion. No need to drink and eat them yourselves. So, here you are. He swiped his hand across his tablet and appearing on all theirs was an order form to sign with a press of their fingers.

It was a smash.

Everything went well for the first year or two, until they found out that people found their dogs and cats sometimes missing. Many noticed the fur on the teddy bears or the hair on the dolls had a strong resemblance to the color of those pets. So back to the drawing board they went for version 1.2. We’re excited to see the updates and advancements.