The Sagacious Sultan
Family wants what's best for you. Or so I thought "to figure out how I appeared suddenly in venice to crash your little exotic girls trip lets just think back to ''when you gave up on me" "or even when you lied and stabbed me in the back"...''really i just lied about both my location and plans, just like you did so,... ta da!'' the silence strengthened ''this is so awkward, obviously i hate everyone at this table, except myrtle and rita'' i say as my eyes dart to hers. the only person im dying to talk to. with a concerned and stern look on her face, i looked back in apathy. she couln't even stomach my gaze, and immediately severed our contact. she know what she did. and her bitch mom too. this whole circle was monitored by rosemary's mother. Her and the four other gas bags sitting at this table gasped, "you tricked us into believing you had good intentions" her mom objected "how dare you show up back here" "it wasn't a trick at all" i told them, "no one can just teleport, except for me of course lol" but , i continued, " i shall honor my agreements, but before i go, I must ask, rosemary, how are your new powers?"
This was a decent read, but it was also difficult to read. You’ll want to separate different character’s lines of dialogue into separate paragraphs. Make sure you capitalize every instance of “I”. Describe the setting a little bit as well, describe where we are, what our character sees/smells/hears/etc to help ground the reader in the scene. This is a really good first rough draft with some great concepts in here, and the line in the end is so intriguing. Work on the structure of the piece, and the rest of your writing will shine through.