I’m not going to full on complain

I’m aware you can’t have sunshine without a little rain

But the memories linger in my brain

It’s time to let it out by writing down my pain

My childhood is a blur of mostly bad

Yet somehow I grew up thinking it was great, everything I had,

For years I watched you raise me and my brother on your own,

I watched you get abused,

I watched you cry alone

But you weren’t crying alone,

You didn’t see the tears down my face,

I always tried to hide them,

Because of fear from your bones he put in a brace

Then you started having a secret affair

Thankfully you did or we’d forever be with that terror ,

At eleven years old you found my step dad,

It hasn’t been all good, yet hasn’t been all bad

The remainder of my childhood really seemed mostly stable,

Every night I had a meal from you on our dinner table,

But as an adult things changed,

Our lives have completely rearranged

Told to work for our family business,

Me and my kids would always have relief,

And then you watched them all attack me,

They made me out to be a thief,

Years later I get an apology,

Honey, your uncle was in trouble that was just a scam,

It’s normal, sweep it under the rug,

Are you people hearing this, DAMN!?

I still attend family dinners

And pretend like I’m okay

But do y’all realize ,

All of my pain from your betray?

I try to push through and keep you all close,

For my children who cherish you

I can’t risk them hating me

Because of what in the past, that had arose

Three years ago when my ex forced me to give him pleasure,

I became really paranoid from the abuse,

You made me feel like I was crazy for how I was acting,

To you my pain was not an excuse,

You all mocked me with tactics of giving me a scare,

Sure, I was acting ridiculous,

But I was hurting inside, do you even care?

One day, i decided to heal alone

All because I looked at a picture of my beautiful children,

And continuously cried inside everytime you all mocked me in an insulting tone,

You all smile at my struggle,

You all laugh at my face,

I just wanted my family to love me.

Not pretend to others or how you pretend to say grace,

Even though you still laugh and treat me like a child,

I will pray everyday for all of you,

While you laugh at my pain that continuously piled.

I understand I have made mistakes,

I’m sorry for that but I do not need to be reminded ,

Coming from the ones I’d do anything for,

The people who wanted nothing for me but me to be blind sided

Do my words matter?

How do you cry for help?

When the people close to you don’t want you to find peace

But want to Make sure you shatter.

Deep down i know they love the control,

They love my financial trouble

They hate my kindness, my soul,

They make it a job to keep me in their bubble.

I look at my dna and question my genome,

For the key they’d given me still fit the lock,

But the house no longer felt like home.