All that matters is Bella.

Not me, not anything.

Only Bella.

It was my fault to begin with. I dropped out of high-school and my job only payed my bills for the first few months. I thought I could do it. I really did.

It’s not Bella’s fault. She’s just a dog. The only thing she did wrong was walking up to me.

But everyone makes mistakes.

She was desperate.

So she walked up to me.

That’s why she’s back on the street again.

Because she choose me.

And I can’t keep a promise.

It started long before now. Back in the hospital room. It was deathly quiet except for the steady beating of the heart monitor. I’m taken back there every time I smell a cleaning product. So much caution when it comes to diseases. If only the world was like that room. Then maybe I wouldn’t have been there in the first place. Maybe I wouldn’t be _here_. Maybe _Bella_ wouldn’t be _here_.

The monitor was steady. My heart was filling with hope. Filling a desperate, longing hole. Maybe I was too desperate.

Because she didn’t make it.

Death is different than most people think.

It affects those who live more than the dead.

I had to drop out of school shortly after. Bills weren’t going to pay themselves and school was doing nothing for me. But work didn’t do anything either. No one wants to hire a high-school drop out. Even one with a sob story.

Then I found Bella.

And everything changed.

Her fur was matted and she was digging through the trash moments before. Then she walked up to me, pawed at my leg and stuck her tounge out in a way that made my hurt lurch.

She was alone.

And so was I.

Whoever said opposites attract haven’t met me and Bella. We are so similar that it’s almost like God sent her down to get me. Like a guardian angel. Soulmates, in other words.

I walked home and she loped behind me, a bounce in her step. I lugged her up to the apartment and fed her some of my dinner. Her blue eyes were so grateful it brought tears to my own

I didn’t want to give her up.

Her eyes filled with sorrow when I drove to the kennel the next day. I could hear the barking through the glass door. So loud and desperate. Bella tucked her tail between her legs and I knew I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t let her go in there.

I couldn’t let her go.

I guess I’ve always been soft.

I bought everything I needed for her. Whenever I needed dog food I’d walk by local boxes of donations and grab a bag of kibble. No one noticed me stealing, and Bella didn’t seem to care about having a different brand in her belly everyday. She seemed grateful enough, her eyes sparkling on even the darkest days.

Then the mail came.

And then it kept coming.

And then everything was out on the streets.

Bella, me, everything.

I lost everything.

I sold most of it, trying to get as much money as I could.

Bella is the only thing that matters anymore.

I got her here and I will get her out.

I tried dropping her off at the kennel. This time I stepped through the door, but the way her little body was shaking and pressing up against my leg made a giant bubble block my throat.

So I left.

I told her she could leave.

I told her she could go.

But she wouldn’t.

“It’s okay darling, you can leave.”

But her eyes said something no words could ever say.

And I have to protect her.

I will do anything for her.

Because she is mine.

And I am hers.

She catches us rats. I always throw them back down the sewer when she’s not looking.

I bought a guitar with my last change. I learned to play a while back, but never made anything of it. It hurt my hands and where was I going to get with a stringed piece of wood? I only kept learning because my mom loved it.

She loved music.

But this isn’t about her anymore.

This is about Bella.

And if playing for Bella saves us? Good.

If playing for Bella gets us nowhere? At least she heard the sound of happiness. The taste of food. The feeling in of warmth. Even if it’s wrapped in a melody.

This is it.

Music is it.

It’s my only shot now.

“You ready, girl?” I ask. Bella barks and I sit down on the stool. She sits obediently next to me and I strum a cord.

For Bella.

I will do this.

I will try.

I will promise to live.

For Bella.