I'm a lie

I am my picture,

I don't really fit the way

I’m today, but if you let me

I would want to share my day

I'm painting with the brightest colors

Better versing of myself

Not from hate, or mind's reflecting

I just want to look the same

Chestnut hair – it still amazes

People, they say it should be short-cut,

Ginger strands that left from painting

Never washed away – that's price

Amber eyes, or maybe brown

Sparkling when i see sunshine

I would rather stay in shadow

Count the reasons and the "why"

I have flowers tucked in long braids

They will wilt away, won't stay,

And i would go out play in rainstorm

Even if it's freezing day

Changing state

Of my mind, and leading it far away

To place where it felt the unseen break

I belief there should not be a barrier in everyday play

Don't care for the color, attractions or clothes you display

In this world, we're all humans, so can we be understanding?

Please, just a little bit nicer and least expecting

I'm trying to learn something new or read the scripts

And at the the verge of my evening

Repeating the signs to know the silent speech

I don't know if i am perfect

In my own opinion, sure

Curls or freckles would be, I think, a little better

But, i guess, it's better to just live through

Once before i gave up reasons

Twice in fact, i rather not

Speak about all my problems

And just tell that I forgot

I am different. Yes, i know that

I'm quite sure despite defense

World should not be so confusing

It is only in my head

Strange hand gestures, senseless panic

When i hear a loud noise

Or shut down when i am feeling

Way too huge emotion coils

I can't talk, become non-verbal

If you pressure me to speak,

If point out strange thing i'm doing

I won't lie that i can freak

I'm not sure in my attractions,

Or if i even have them, still

I don't know if i need someone

Who will be with me all week

Not to change the status "single"

But still have someone to trust

Live together – just on weekends

Never ask or bring it up

See someone who's making breakfast

And instead of morning kiss

They would play on known song list

Ask to dance, or maybe sing

I don't want hold hands or hold you,

I would rather sit and talk

Maybe lean on someone's shoulder

Or persuade me for a walk

Laugh about my dreams or nightmares

"Do i talk when i'm asleep?"

With a smile, and cup of coffee

Say "You do, but it's quite sweet"

I won't see them every morning,

But they have spare pair of keys

Watching movies till the evening

Staying home at Christmas Eve

Don't make plans for foreseen future

Live in moment, save the speech

Of how much is changing, really

Change the rhythm at your reach

I'm not the way i thought i rather was

I don't feel very welcomed; very crafty

It's not about it's form or "normal" chords

I'm trapped in living, breathing human body

With doctors always saying "nothing's wrong"

But i just couldn't practice my self-healing

My lungs have trouble breathing sinful air

And my heart’s beating sending waved of strain

Wondering 'till what day it will remain

There is not God or Devil waiting for me

I am a being of the stars and universe

I wouldn't pressure someone to believe me

As i don't have my trust in this strange verse

And after leaving, i won't be a ghost

I feel so firmly memories that couldn't happen

When I am screaming, but cannot find earth

When air no longer entered in my lungs

I know it's true

I don't believe, but cannot stop this feeling

I only know how it will end for me, not when

And when it will, i won't be caught off guard

I'm not afraid to leave

I know how it will end, i know the path

And i am ready, for either way of meaning

And I still have foreignly troubled breathing

[ It's not exactly a love poem about myself, as you may notice. More so when I read the prompt… I just started writing everything. Everything, really. It just felt like a need to let it all out of myself. There is no "love", because my feelings for myself are far more complex than that; i'm just existing in this body, really. And trying to live my life the best way i can while i can.

Something here just doesn't rhyme or makes no sense at all. But that's kind of the point. It's just how i feel ]