Trigger Warning: ED?

I starved myself for a year.

I picked through school lunches so it seemed like I ate.

I got used to the growling of my stomach as if it were white noise.

My mom jokingly called me anorexic and praised me for being thinner in the same breath so sometimes I wonder:

Would they have realized I was sick if I were already thin to begin with?

I never liked water, so I can't say that's what I lived off of for that year.

No; I dehydrated as well, to the point eating made me nauseous and maybe that's why I never made an effort to get better.

I still forget to drink water often enough that I'll feel nauseous again and it's tempting to let myself starve once more.

Maybe I'll go down a few more clothing sizes.

My friend makes a comment about feeling fat when she weighs less than me and I ask myself if I'm willing to starve again.

Was it worth it?