Tonight on Abracadabra Greed, we explore the sleazy underbelly of the illicit traffic of counterfeit cursed items. This is Kasey Steel and we are drawing back the occultist’s curtain with a one on one interview with outlaw turned agent Paulie “CandyMan” Snickers and his familiar, Alonysius. Our story starts in this bucolic farming community Slipknot, just outside of Topeka, Kansas. Amongst the dairy farms and sock hops, sat Happy Go Lucky a mom and pop toy store that had been in the McCrandall family for generations. Back in 1997, Joseph Appleton was just a shop clerk but he had big dreams. When a shipment of Conversing Connie dolls went demonic, Appleton convinced owner Gertrude McCrandall to sell her devil dolls on eBay. Soon the small toy store was the epicenter for cursed items for haunted house tours and paranormal museums. By 2001, annual sales were over ten million dollars and Appleton had a string of enchanted item storefronts coast to coast. To get up the demand for curses, Appleton can’t wait for the items to find him he needs psychic searchers.

That’s where the Candyman steps in.

Candyman: I answered Paulie’s ad on Craigslist back in 2007. I wouldn’t call myself psychic I just a feel for things you. Sometimes things speak to me. Paul and I had my interview at Bellagio over crab legs. He was a great guy, legendary. I scouted for grimoires and witch brooms from Sacso, Maine to Bayonne. Good times.

But Appleton had a problem. The demand was higher than the natural supply. After the release of hit horror films like Vatican Taco and Honey I Woke the Devil, new competitors were capsizing the market.

Candyman: Ventriloquist dummies was going faster than Lamborghinis. So I explained to JoJo demons and evil witches trapped in haunted mirrors are hard to score. But a lot of things are haunted by lessor spirits. Like we came across a Hoover that was endowed with the old broad who used to work at the DMV. All I encouraged him to do was juice up the backstory a bit. Instead of some old battle-ax she’s a trapped seahag who used to trap souls. It’s not lying its storytelling.

Soon the Happy Go Lucky franchise was bigger than ever. At 24 billion dollars in sales annually by 2017 the company was the fifth biggest retailer in the U.S. And Appleton and the Candyman were on a sugar rush. Strip clubs, luxury cars, and cocaine, oh my.

Candyman: Good times, good times

Appleton partnered with retail decor salvage companies like GeeHaws Mart and US Nostalgia peppering North America with faked cursed items.

Candyman: We were partying hard all night and stripping Chili’s and Cracker Barrel store bare all day. Once we got in bed with Home Shopping Networking we were printing money.

But the music died when the IRS came a knocking. The McCrandall family wanted to know where the profits were going. And then tragedy struck.

Candyman: Everything is fine until some demon opens a hellmouth.

One of Happy Go Lucky faked artifacts was real. Not a replica of a 1923 Ouija Board but an authentic board holding the spirit of Anubus also known as the Serpent King, also known as the Destroyer of Worlds and the Father of Chaos.

Candyman: He told me his name was Gary and had been an IT guy for an insurance company in Pittsfield. It’s a shame what happened to Newark. A real shame.

Now financially bankrupt by lawsuits and criminal proceeding, Appleton is a fugitive from justice and Candyman is trying to repay his debt to humanity by collecting the cursed and newly demonized items as a member of PsyCorps.

Candyman: I like helping people and giving back. And I really like not going to jail for tax evasion. Having a familiar/parole officer also isn’t that bad. Isn’t that right, boy. Ow. Ow! Dude stop with the Jimmy Slap I’m sorry. Ouch. I’m bleeding here.

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Abracadabra Greed, this is Kasey Steek.