“Start gain when it rains” something my grandmother had always told me, and I guess she lived by it too.. because she’d been divorced six times by the time she decided to live her best solo life. I’d thought it so strange to want to even marry someone to begin with, let alone six times. But then I’d met Charlie, who was my best friend. They’d been in my business class in college and I’d found them hilarious, and well from there we became inseparable. Years had gone by and eventually those feelings had developed and at one drunken Christmas party we’d ended up sleeping together. Honestly it was the best night of my life. Ironically, it had been raining that night as well, but that rain had solidified into ice and I’d wound up in the emergency room with a fractured ankle because I slipped on the ice. Charlie had been there through it all. We had tried to get married in the summer to avoid the rain (and any ice!) but even though we had gotten married on the 5th of august, it had poured down with rain. So we decided fate had chosen for us to start that life again. Because we start again when it rains. Today was no different; except this time Charlie wasn’t here to start again. I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the vanity mirror, as I put on some make up to try and look somewhat alive. Telling myself to not start crying again. I missed Charlie deeply... and I knew it would be a void that could never be filled. Their picture sat in an ornate frame on the dresser, smiling larger than life. Their bright purple, pixie cut hair sticking up in all kinds of directions. The picture had been taken on top of a forest trail, and I could still smell the aroma of that day if I really focused. The pine trees and wet leaves filled the air, a slight whisper of Charlie’s deodorant, swirled around. “I still miss you” I murmured to the ghost of my memories. Tears silently slipped down my face, leaving silver trails through my foundations, leaving cracks in my mask. I blotted the tears with a small tissue, and sighed again. I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry today, this was a celebration of their life, and the new start for me that came with it. I pulled myself back from the memories and all that came with it and focused on getting ready. I was going back to that forest trail to scatter their ashes, over the past 20 years it had been our favourite place and it was only fitting to be our last place. I headed out the door and locked it behind. Then set off for the forest trail. It took about 4 hours to climb up to the top, and once there I could see the entire county. I sat on the edge, my legs dangling over and put the small jar that contained all that was left of the best friend I’d ever had. “Y’know Charl, it just hits differently without you here, I thought it would be easier this way” I commented to the air around me. More thinking out loud than anything else. I picked up the small jar and unscrewed the lid, then softly began to tip the ashes out over the precipice. “Here’s to new beginnings and old friends my dearest Charlie. I’ll come see you once a year at least” I said with confidence and once the jar had tipped the last of its contents over the edge I felt the prickle of tears burn and sting my eyes as they threatened to spill again. I sighed and stood up, took a deep breath in and as I was about to walk away the rain began to pour down. “Well, this means it’s time to start again” I whispered to myself. “Goodbye my love” and I headed home through the damp, dark day to mourn the loss of my best friend.