I’m sorry.

I imagined my life without you—because I had to.

Cried when I held you— because I had to.

Fed your empty soul—because I had to.

And I’m sorry.

The world you built inside my chest

Collapsed

Before I could grasp it.

The fragility of you

Unraveled

Before I could hold it together.

The light in your palms

Dimmed

Before I could learn to nurture it.

I’m sorry

That as doors closed,

I searched for windows to jump through.

That as you untied yourself from me,

I reached for longer ropes.

That when I finally saw your indifference

I clung to you,

Like breath to drowning lungs.

And I forgive you.

I let red wine pull me under when I think of you.

When I remember how you loved dancing,

And pretending.

When I set the needle to our vinyl

And let the sound of you fill my home.

Your hands

Still underneath my skin.

Pitying myself

The way I once pitied you.

Loving you was losing you.

And I’m sorry.