“ oh my god, you are so strong i wish to be like you !”

I hear those sentence every single day, it feels like I am walking down the empty street in the corner of two big buildings and all I can hear is “ you are so strong.”

Humans, they never fails to amaze me. How can someone living alone by himself on a bubble ne strong.My monologue is stronger than an mere human conversation. My family seems to forget about me. There is nothing amazing about me. I was once invited to a dinner by a old friend. He used to say “ I am supposed to end up alone” while we were in highschool but look at us now. He is happily married and me, you know the rest.The beauty of togetherness, I miss it everyday but I have to be strong man who lives alone and is happy. It was last week, that I went to his house for dinner.For some reason, his house seem brighter than mine although mine has more lights. That was weird; her wife was by his side.When we went to his place in the evening time.Those two tiny humans run toward him and her wife was smiling seeing him home.Later at night, I was hesitant to go to my own place.It’s my house, but why I was afraid to go to my own place.I turn on my light behind the door and look at my living room. There is nothing to welcome me.It creeped me out how much I am lonely.My wall is empty with nothing but a paint of colour gray. My life has been nothing but black and white in an order and the living room colour perfectly reflects my life. I found myself comparing my living room with my friend.His house is small; smalller than mine.His walls been filled with all those damn memories and moments of his family.My walls is empty. This constant comparison bothers me in c everyday basis. How can I crave those feelings once I hated.It wasn’t like that when I was growing up. I was a jolly kid and part of happy family. Everything was all good but you never know when things turns against you.Having a loving older brother in your side, happy family in your side is a blessing. We human are social animals.That’s the only difference between us and any another being alive. We are supposed to be social but why I started being a part of soltitude.I still remember the day everything started shattering. It was painful still till this day, that it’s been 40 years that I lost my older brother and I haven’t been normal ever since. His death led to tragedy in my family. He was a good kid and kind person. He never did bad to anyone and loved me a lot. I still remember it’s been 40 years I stopped believing the god .Its absurd, he can never exist if he would have , I would be having better life. After the death of my brother, both of my parents couldn’t accept it and they started their own ways to cope up with it. My mother started her alcoholic journey where my father started taking drugs. That’s where everything went down.Well, I did fall in love with all beautiful woman. But, they left me and leave me with scar everytime they left. It was not one time thing for me; my brother wanted to me to be happy. He used to say “ We both will have a big family and we will live in mansion like in the movie and …..” I can’t even think about it.

A facade I have of a strong man who has enough of humans but all I crave is small human interaction.