“No you don’t understand.” I say shoving stuff off the counter onto the floor.

“Then help me understand.” Darshan replies stepping closer to me.

“I lost everything.” I shout banging my fist on the table.

“You haven’t. You still have me, you still have Sancho.” Darshan answers softly.

“But it doesn’t matter.“ I reply desperately. “I lost him.” Hair is sticking to my sweaty face. I don’t move it. I have bigger problems. Darshan doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what to say. Nothing he says will fix all of this. I shove some more stuff onto the floor completely trashing my kitchen.

“Why don’t we go for a walk?” Darshan suggests.

“I am alone.” I yell, not particularly at anybody. Just at the universe for putting me in this scenario. I just have so much rage, so much anger, so much torment in me and it has to go somewhere. It cannot stay in me any longer or I think I may go insane if I haven’t already.

“You’re not alone.” Darshan assures me again.

“I came into this job, into this city with no one. I had no one. He made me believe that I deserved to have someone fighting in my corner. He made me believe that I deserved to be loved. And now he’s gone.”

“He didn’t want to go. You know that. It was an accident.” Darshan gently reminds me.

“That doesn’t change the fact that he’s gone.” I say. I slide my back down a cupboard and crumple into a mess on the floor sobbing. “I want him back.”

“If he could come back he would.” Darshan sits down on the floor and wraps his arms around me.

“What was the point of all of it? What was the point of finally being loved for it to be taken away?” I sob leaning on Darshan’s arm.

“You can find love again.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Maybe not now but in a few years.”

“I don’t want to wait years. I want my happy ending now. Everyone has their happy ending now but me.” I reply. Everyone is married, everyone is starting a family and I’m back at square one alone again. “I deserved my happy ending with him, after everything, I should have got my happy ending and it should have been with him.”

“I know. You will get your happy ending.”

“It’s so unfair.” I cry in Darshan’s shoulder. “I have worked so hard my whole life. I got to where I am all by myself. I have been fine being alone for years. I am so good at it. But then he showed me being with him was better than being alone and now I’m alone again. Having that taste of the forbidden fruit and having it taken away again, I can’t breathe. It’s all I think about. What could have been. Except now I have to learn to be alone again.”

“You’re not alone, you have us. You’ve never had us by your side before.”

“I know and I’m grateful.” I sigh.

“I know you are.” Darshan says. “It’ll get easier you know. Every day will get slightly better.”

“I hope so. I just, I always expected him to be my last love. My first love and my last.”