The morning was April 20, 2024. Mom committed suicide 3 days ago. I hear my dad yelling-

“Micheal, you weren’t ever there for her! You don’t get a say in what happens to her!”

I pretend to be focused on my phone, which I’d done a lot these days. Usually, I was quiet and reserved, rarely ever speaking unless spoken to- but now, I barely answered someone who was talking.

I hear my dad yelling some more, and he comes in, his demeanor changing when he noticed me. Dad had always tried to act like everything was okay, but it wasn’t. Mom was gone- how was that okay?

My father sat down, his head in his hands

“Is everything okay?” I asked, turning to look at him

“Micheal wants to see Harmony in the funeral home” Dad said “I’m not going to let him, I’m not letting anyone see her like that”

I didn’t even argue- the funeral director had already said Mom couldn’t be made to look presentable after she pulled the trigger. I hated to think about it.

“Then don’t let him. You’re her husband, you have the power in her final wishes”

I mutter. Truly, it still didn’t feel real. How was my mom gone? She was alive 3 mornings ago, telling me she loved me.