I stood with my friends in the corner of the classroom, our laughter echoing off the rough, white walls of the fair sized room. Our laughter died off into awkward silence as other kids started walking through the door, chatting busily with their friends.

Alex, Emily, Kasandra, Lincoln..

I named them in my head. My eyes flashed with panic for a moment as I remembered someone, someone who had made my 5th grade year a paradise and my 6th grade year a emotional mess. Leo.. my 5th grade love, and 6th grade bully, was always so… so manipulative, so egotistical, and messed up. My heart started beating uncomfortably in my chest as I recalled memories surrounding him. How excited I’d be when I saw him, how naive I was to think that a guy like Leo would ever actually love me. The memories whirled around me, suffocating me, my palms were moist with sweat as I grasped my sweater tightly, as if it was the only thing I had left, but that wasn’t true, I had my friends, right..?

Before I could distract myself, the image of my favourite pair of jeans flashed into my mind, the marker stains and holes blurring as I remember how all my friends shut me out, one by one, day by day. I remember the countless nights where I would go to bed, dried tears staining my face as I felt all the hope draining from my body, my muscles heavy with an invisible weight that threatened to crush me.

Fortunately, before my memories could consume me more, one of my friends put a gentle hand on my shoulder her gaze thoughtful as she tried to reassure me.

“Don’t worry Ivy, if your ever feeling anxious, just know we’re always here to help.” Her voice was gentle, but as much as she wanted to believe her friend’s words, her heart was still gaurded by those same walls she had built when she was with Leo. Ivy managed a small smile, but it didn’t quite reach my eyes, at all, but she could tell her friend was already busy telling another one of her great stories.

As if responding to her earlier memories, Leo strutted confidently through the door, his mocking, predatory stare, accompanied by an infuriating smirk, landed on her, making her breath hitch. She locked eyes with him, his deep green eyes that once made her heart race, now made her stomach churn. She froze.

She couldn’t do this now.

She couldn’t do this ever.