Carefully, airport security pried loose the wooden case lid. A large hairy backed hand reached down and brushed one of my generous leaves. I sighed ecstatic. Kalanchloe tribblous, commonly known as Fuzz Fuzz, Feelie Good, YumYum, a hardy, quick growing succulent covered with fuzzy plantlets. Makes the perfect low maintenance houseplant. Bright Sun. That’s what the little plastic sign sank into my sandy soil reads. Marketing mumbo jumbo, it makes me chuckle. Am I chaos? I love the hot sun on my plump celadon leaves. But I will grow in part sun, part shade, and near darkness. I grow fast. My little pink hedgehog pot with cozy grains of sand is delightful, but I can make my home in black potting soil, mud, and unforgiving hard packed clay. I can spread. I will spread. From suburban supermarkets and big box stores I will invade backyard gardens, farms, swamps, along the edges of streams, clogging waterways. My every leaf is covered in my little babies, perfect clones. Every breeze will send my little fuzzy babies to their new homes. Am I proud? What this silly marketing plant tag omits is my low level toxicity. Not really a problem except for young animals. You will create herbicide to try and kill me. Try is the optimal word. Your poison can’t stop me. My toxicity level will skyrocket while you wipe out a bunch of birds and frogs and some such. One lawn after another, from state to state, from farm to farm, I just want to live like you. I want to travel the world, conquer every continent. I’m going to love Australia. The hairy hand draws away. One of my plantlet clings to the cuff of his uniform shirt ready to hitchhike to our new home. A fuzzy pea green gem clings to a blue cotton sliver of shirt. I beamed. From the sun dappled plains of Madagascar, I grew hearty and unremarkable. You bred me to be pretty and easy to grow. I am. I’m here. And I’m ready. Available at a store near you.