The hand on her ass jolted her out of her thoughts. (Insert Disney Princess name) tripped forward, nearly catching her heel in a crack in the sidewalk. She’d been reading through her dating app messages on her lunch break, deleting one pic of a unimpressive wrinkled member after another. What the hell kind of pervert would grobe her in the park, so close to the play ground. She turned to give the asshole a piece of her mind and froze.

“Nice to see you here, (insert nickname for the Disney princess name),” her boss, (insert masc hipster name) said, drawing out the niiiice to imply how his handful of her had felt.

Rage. Her ass stung from the violation like a blow. His mouth kept moving, but she didn’t hear a word. She didn’t need to hear. Since the day, she’d been hired on he’d tried to bully her into sleeping with him. Whatever he was saying was probably as imaginative and poetic, as the messages she’d received on the dating app.

Her boss snapped his fingers in front of her face, “Earth to (insert 1950’s heartthrob name but make it girly).” He leaned closer so she could smell the tuna salad on his breath. “I said when we get back to the office, I want to bend you over my desk, hike up that skirt, and go all 50 Shades of Grey on that tight ass of yours.”

(Insert flower name) opened her mouth to tell him exactly what she thought. A kid squealed on the swing. She snapped her mouth shut.

“Okay,” she said.

Her boss blinked. “Wha..at?”

“Okay, I’ll see you in…” she looked at her watch. “Half an hour, when my lunch break is over.”

“Yay?” he squeaked. Cleared his throat. “ Why don’t you take an extra half and hour and get cleaned up. I like my girls to smell fresh.”

(Insert cute femme nickname for longer Victorian sounding name) kept her thought about him needing a breath mint to herself. “I can’t wait.”

***

Freshly prepped and raring to go, (Insert femme name from a baby website) knocked on her boss’s door exactly an hour later.

“You came?” (Insert hypermasculine name borrowed from a problematic TV character) said after she entered, shutting the door behind him.

She smiled shyly. “I told you I would.”

Her boss stood, adjusting his expensive Italian suit. “I thought you might be too…” he searched for the word. “Scared.”

“I’m not scared.” She raised her head.

“You’re not?” (Insert manly US western or Irish name) stepped in front of her, using his large body to press her against the door. He was so tall, and big. She felt so tiny around him. “Then why are you shaking?”

He reached to touch her hair. Ivy closed her eyes remembering how he’d made her life a living hell the last few months.

“Take off your clothes, he said in an accent ( Irish, British, Spanish, Southern… doesn’t matter make it gravely and dominant)

All the comments.

“Like a good girl.”

All the groping.

“And hope that sweet little ass of yours.”

All the humiliation.

“Up on my desk.”

All those gross pictures on her phone earlier.

“Oh, and I don’t use safe words.”

She reached her hand inbeteeen them, found his crotch and squeezed. Her tiny hands fit perfectly around him, so her long manicure dug into his skin.

“Ahhh,” her boss squealed, just like the pig he was, dropping to his knees. It was really too bad he was such a bastard, with all that dark brown hair and cheekbones that could cut glass, he was almost handsome like this.

“Beg me to let you go.”

“Aghh.”

“Come on you can do better than that.”

“Please. Please. Please.”

When she’d heard enough ‘pleases’ to convince her, he really was sorry. She let go. “Good boy.”

“Ahhh,” her boss whimpered, sinking onto the floor.

Maybe he was kinda cute after all.

“This is the beginning of a beautiful relationship,” (insert name the boss will whisper when he jacks off later that night) said as she turned and walked out of his office.

The next day, she walked into work to find roses waiting for her, signed ‘ Thank you for my lesson, Mistress.’ She sighed and shook her head, (insert masc Disney villain name) next lesson would be to call her Goddess from now on.

Author’s Note:

If you guessed this was a rant against recd’d one too many 50 Shades of Grey/ACTOR/smutty Twilight style books, you’d be right.