“Honey, where’s the meat stamper?”

“What are you talking about? There’s no such thing as a meat stamper.”

“Sure there is. I’ve seen you use it on steaks. You pound the meat a couple times to create a diamond-plating-like stamp on it. It’s so cool. Reminds me of my truck bumper.”

Darlene laughed. “You bonehead. That’s not a meat stamper. It’s a meat tenderizer.” She walked to the kitchen utensil drawer, opened it, then reached in. She moved a few things aside, then found what she was looking for. It looked like a hammer with square ends made completely of metal. The ends of the hammer both had little pyramids on them instead of being flat like a hammer. One side had larger pyramids than the other. Darlene held it out to her husband.

Jim’s eyes flashed. “That’s it! The meat stamper!”

“No, silly. It’s a meat tenderizer. You pound the meat into submission if it is tough.”

Jim smiled. “And it creates little diamond plating patterns on the meat. It’s just what I wanted.”

Darlene shook her head, then leaned her head into her hand. She could not believe her husband’s idiocy.

Jim raised the tool above the piece of meat he had already placed on the cutting board. He smacked the meat one time in the middle.

Thwap!

He looked at his wife with what she thought was a stupid grin. “See. A meat stamper.”

Darlene rolled her eyes. She was sure that he would not think anything of it. He was always so proud of himself. Even if he had no idea what he was talking about.

“I see. I am sure that is exactly what the inventors meant that tool for. After all, it’s just what everybody needs. A meat stamper.” She was sure her husband would not recognize the sarcasm in her voice.

Jim smiled even broader. “Exactly! A meat stamper!”