How long would it take anyone to notice that I disappeared? Who would notice first? Would I ever be found? Would I want to be found?

I miss the street for my house and carry on walking. I don’t know where. I’m not planning on vanishing off the face of the Earth but I’ll just carry on walking for a bit. We still have hours of daylight left and I just want to leave town for a bit, get out into nature, forget all my responsibilities.

I head out of the town and into the woods. I take my headphones off so I can really hear nature, hear the birds tweet and the crunch of leaves under my feet. I look up at all the trees above me stretching up to the sky. It’s so beautiful out here, I forget that sometimes. Always busy with the loud noises and petrol fumes from the city.

I carry on walking beyond where I know. I don’t know which way is home at this point, all the trees look the same. It’s fine dog walkers will be out shortly and someone can guide me back.

What if I don’t go back? I could build a little hut out of big sticks like I used to as a child and make fires and hunt. I could be a hermit.

I eventually wander out of the other side of the woods. It might not be the other side but it’s definitely not the side I came in. I could just get an uber home, I can see a road up ahead.

I wander towards the road and find myself by a bus stop. It has bus time going to places I’ve never heard of.

I could disappear. I could leave all my responsibilities and everything behind.

Lately, everything has just been so much. All my hair falling out from the stress and the crying makes leaving not seem like a bad option. What if I just went away and never came back? Would I be okay with that? I would have no money, no home, no purpose but is that what I want?

I’m not sure what I want but I do know the life I live makes me unhappy. It’s not particularly dire, I have a stressful job but the pay makes up for it. I’m part of a running club with my friends but I just don’t enjoy it. I don’t enjoy anything anymore. I feel so down, so unmotivated, so dissatisfied with my life. There’s nothing I’ve done wrong per say. I’m just unhappy and I don’t know how that’s going to change.

I joke about disappearing. I joke about living in nature and becoming a hermit but that wouldn’t satisfy me either. I feel like a lost cause and maybe that’s why I want to disappear. I feel as though nothing is worth it and nothing will get better.

A bus pulls up and I signal it to stop. I take some change out of my bag and step on the bus.

“You gonna leave your bag there?” The bus driver asks gesturing to my bag still on the pavement. I just shrug in response not having a good answer. There’s no point disappearing with my phone and belongings. “Okay if you say so. Where to?”

“Theelston please.” It was one of the places I read on the bus stop sign. “A one way ticket.”