They say that your friends always have more friends than you do. It is an interesting paradox that has baffled many. I feel like it isnt true for me though. I have a ton of friends. In middle school, i was actually voted most popular. Like 90 percent of the class voted for me.

I’m no Regina George or anything. I don’t gain friends through fear. I do things to help people. I join clubs. I talk to new kids and people i don’t know yet. I make it my mission to be nice to everyone. How can you be hated when you are kind to every person you meet?

High school was a whole different story. There were five middle schools that went to one high school. They were small, so each class has 500 kids in it. There were 4 other kids voted most popular, 2 boys and 2 girls.

One was Frank Zinley. He was a basketball player the girls at his school adored. He flirted with any girl he saw. Then there was Bryan Allen. He threw house parties that rivaled anything seen in Hollywood movies. He had a creepy older cousin who bought weed and beer for Bryan in exchange for going to the parties. He managed to snag a young girl at every party.

One girl was Anna Klein. She was gorgeous and mean. People feared her. She had money and could buy friends or ruin their lives. There was also Tatiana Banksing. She was loud and always cracking jokes. She loved making people laugh and had a smile that drew people to her.

It was definitely difficult being one of the five popular people in high school. It helped being the nicest. It helped that i had a cute girlishness about me. The older grades did not care about five populars. They only wanted one to reign over everyone when they graduated. The basketball guys had Frank sitting with them. Bryan sat with the stoners. Tatiana sat with the gorgeous Black queens. Anne and i were both invited to sit with the other populars.

It was nervewracking and exciting all at once. I was my usual nice self. Anna felt compelled to mock every person that walked past. The senior popular girl was named Mallory and seemed uninterested in both of us, even though she was the one to invite us.

At the end of the week, we recieved an envelope in our lockers. It was a popularity rating scale. It said it judged how successful we would be based on looks, personality, smarts, and our following. For looks i got a 6 out of 10. Ouch. For personality i got a 10/10 and smarts got me an 8/10. My following was at a 5/10. The summary said i was a typical nice girl and would hit it off with nerds and boring people. I needed to up my following and spend more time on my looks to be a successful popular. I heard from others that Anna got a 2/10 for personality, a 8/10 for looks, a 4/10 for smarts, and a 7/10 for following. She needed to study more and worry less about judging others.

This meant, to me, that we were on an even playing field. I had a better personality while Anna was hotter. I could change my looks much easier than Anna could be less mean.

As high school went on, my popularity grew. I tutored for money and spent that money on makeup and clothes and better haircuts. I ended up dating a really good baseball player. Anna tried being nicer. She studied hard and smiled at everyone. The studying actually lost her friends as she spent less time out and about. I had the most friends i had ever had. I was like the friend collector.

None of that matters much now. I graduated as most popular and most likely to become a lawyer. I excelled in any debate and helped young people take in interest in elections. I went to Yale and then applied to go to Harvard Law. I got accepted of course. Anna graduated and went on to study nursing.

Halfway through law school, the unthinkable happed. My muscle function started to decrease greatly. I started using a cane, i had to record lectures. Then i could no longer walk or talk. Turns out, i was having mini strokes every day. My body became weak from trying to fight them off and the clots caused my muscles to weaken. I was essentially losing the function of my body every day until i died.

Being sick becomes a full time gig. I tried going to school with modifications. I missed a lot because of surgery to fix the strokes. That was the main concern. I gained my speech back with extensive therapy that took the place of any homework. I only had a year left of school and wanted so badly to finish. My mom stopped working to drive me places. I could barely stop myself from going to the bathroom, much less drive a car.

I quit school because i was failing everything. Not because my brain stopped working, but because my health took precedence. I did therapy in the mornings. Speech, physical, mental. Then i did appointments in the afternoon. I rested my tired aching body in between. I became depressed. Friends stopped coming around much. It was sad to see most popular girl in high school reduced to this. Girl in a wheelchair who took minutes to get a sentence out.

Being popular meant nothing anymore. People moved on without me. I realized as i grew older that everyone had more friends than me. Even my parents. I became the crippled recluse. The sad case of popular gone downhill. I didn’t peak in high school, i had such a bright future. Unfortunately my body decided to give up on that future. I still have the strokes, just not often. My muscles are still weakening. One day I won’t be able to talk or move at all on my own or even think. I will be a complete vegetable. Each stroke may be my last.

The important thing is that i’m living now. Ive done incredible things since i got ill. I’ve rolled along the great wall, ive seen the great barrier reef. I’ve been to the bottom of the grand canyon and the top of the Empire State Building. I’ve protested in DC and helped teach in Pakistan. I could be a lawyer now, suing mega corporations, but Ive done actual amazing things. I’m here talking to people about popularity and my illness. Im truly doing great and i cant imagine a different path. Thank you.