"Greetings, I am your customer service agent Agnes of Home Sorcery Network the ultimate shopping experience for all things magical, mystical, and wondrously mysterious. Could I interest you in one of our lightning Equinox Specials? Five wands for the price of three?”

Fingers poised over her keyboard Agnes waited. The caller was silent except for a leathery rustling on the line. Switching to mute, the agent flipped through screens. She flipped out of mute mode.

“These aren’t those one trick wands you see in Walmart no Mr. Jensen these are hand carved rosewood enchanted by witch artisans. Mr.  Jensen can I call you by your wizard name? Skylark I see from your past purchases you are a connoisseur.  So I know an emerging magic such as yourself will appreciate the intricacies of wandwork. If I talk to my supervisor, you may qualify for a coupon for five wands for the price of one.”

“Egg,” the caller whispered breaking into Agnes’ pitch.

“Eggs, like scrambled poached or fried?” Agnes said, going into further back into Ned “Skylark the Exultant” Jensen’s purchase history.

It sounded like her customer was wrestling a washing machine.

“No, dragon egg,” the caller Mr. Jensen said in low whisper.

Quickly, Agnes scrolled down. On the line it sounded as if the caller was calling from the bottom of a well filled with Rottwelers. Man people were weird, Agnes thought.

“Y-y-yes our antique Angelicus Iridescence dragon egg in Morgana Maroon. Splendid choice. Ready to add to your collection? I may be able to locate one of these rare specimums.”

Over some weird grunts on the customer service line, the agent prattled on about the dragon egg’s rarity as she checked the HSN’s inventory. Common as mud, the cache of skunk dragon eggs had been uncovered during a basement excauvation. Diverted from the landfill, the Network had bought the lot, spraypainted them various metallic colors, and sprinkled the with glitter and bargain pixie dust. The eggs didn’t fly off the shelves. Corporate had even given away to few to top sellers in lieu of bonuses. Agnes used hers as her home office doorstopper. About 4000 eggs were gathering dust in the Trenton warehouse alone.

“Cracked open,” Jensen croaked.

“Damaged. Oh well unfortunately Mr. Jensen this purchase if out of the return window. But at HSN your one stop shop for all things spellbinding, spooky, and spectacular we wat every customer to have an evil eye day so we can offer you a replacement egg at 25% off.”

“Blast you! Cracked open, hatched. Baby dragon—bit me. Ate Mr. Whiskers. Need a spell.”

“Mr. Jensen, Skylark, I can assure you these eggs are inert. Dead magic. I mean if those eggs could hatch…”

Behind Agnes there was a loud crack.