Queen Alexia popped her bubble gum and peered down from her throne at the two men standing before the dais. One of them was skinny and wrinkled, and his face was all pinched up and annoyed, like he smelled something bad. The other was short and round, like a fat brown teddy bear. He kept twitching and turning to look at the exit.

The queen swung her feet in the air, enjoying how her long robes felt swishing about her bare toes. “I wasn’t listening,” she said. “Tell me again?”

The skinny man sighed and rolled his eyes. “Your majesty,” he said, “as I said before, this is a matter of my cow -“

“It’s my cow!” the fat man interjected, his voice high and frantic. “My cow had a calf, and now he’s saying the calf is his!”

“Your cow had the baby in my field!” said the skinny man. “It’s always getting into my field, anyway. I deserve the calf as compensation, at least!”

“She wouldn’t get into your field if you’d fix that hole in the fence, like I told you to, weeks ago! Months ago!”

“It’s gotta be my bull who fathered the calf! You don’t have a bull! The calf should be mine!”

“You can’t separate a calf that young from its mother! What kind of monster are you?”

“Then maybe I should take both the calf and its mother! That would be fair, right?” The skinny man looked to the queen. “You don’t want the baby to miss its mama, right, kid?”

Alexia stuck her tongue out at him. “My name is Queen Alexia. Not ‘kid.’”

The fat man snickered. “How rude! See, your majesty? You can’t give in to him. The cow is mine, and so is her calf.”

Alexia chewed on her gum for a moment. She didn’t like the way either of them were talking to her, or to each other.

“There’s still one person we haven’t heard from yet,” she said. “Bring in the cow.”

Both men blinked at her dumbly. “The… cow…?” said the skinny man.

“Yes. I wanna hear what the cow wants to do. Guards!” Alexia’s high-pitched eight-year-old voice rang out across the throne room. “Bring in the cow!”

The great golden doors open, and in came a large white cow with black spots. A small calf trotted along at her heels.

Queen Alexia scooted down from the throne and approached the cow. She reached up and put her little hand on the cow’s nose.

“So?” she said.

“Moo,” said the cow.

Alexia nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. What about you?” She turned to the calf, who was sniffing at its mother’s udders.

“Meeeeew,” said the calf.

The queen nodded sagely. “It is decided. The cow and her calf will stay at the palace, as is their wish.”

“What?!” both men exclaimed simultaneously.

Alexia had already turned to climb back onto the throne. “You guys can go now.”

“You can’t do this!” the skinny man shouted.

“I can.”

“It’s my cow!” said the fat man. He grabbed at the cow’s horn, but the palace guards ushered him towards the door.

“Not anymore. The cow thinks you’re both stupid and she should live with me.”

“You’re just a kid!” the skinny man called, halfway out the door. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Then the big golden doors slammed shut, and Alexia was alone with the cows.

“Sorry about them,” she said. “Grown-ups are so full of themselves.”

“Moo,” said the cow, which Alexia understood to mean, “That’s alright. We’re used to humans forgetting the magical languages as you get older. The wisest thing you people ever did was set it into law that only a child could rule.”

Alexia took the crown off her head and twirled it around her wrist. “Yeah, well, I won’t forget! I’ll stay a child forever.”

“Me too!” mooed the calf.

The cow chuckled knowingly. “I’m grateful all the same, your majesty.”