Unseen
Two women known for beaming, friendly smiles
Feeling unobserved
Walk a corridor in muted conversation
With drooping shoulders, mouths, and eyes
Comments 2
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Two women known for beaming, friendly smiles
Feeling unobserved
Walk a corridor in muted conversation
With drooping shoulders, mouths, and eyes
The use of repetition in the description of the woman's physical posture - "drooping shoulders, mouths, and eyes" - effectively conveys a sense of sadness or disappointment. The choice of words in this poem is simple yet efficient, and the way you use repetition and contrast to create tension is particularly clever.
Overall, your poem is a powerful and thought-provoking text, and the language and images you use effectively convey a sense of sadness and disappointment. Well done!