“Nope. No way. Not a chance.” I countered, determined to shut down whatever this was immediately.

“Aw, why not sister?” He teased.

First, he shows up— completely unannounced, I should add— going on about how he heard my promise (as if I’ve so much as uttered his name in the past century). Now he’s asking me to come to Hell with him?! Absolutely not.

“Because this is ridiculous!” I burst, a little louder than I intended.

“But you promised!” He begged. Ugh, this again.

“Lucy, I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about.”

“Hold on, I’ve got it here somewhere…” He pulled out a blood-smeared notebook from God knows where. “Ah, yes, here we go. In 1744 AD at exactly 10:08pm, Ramiel said to Michael, and I quote,” He cleared his throat and insultingly mimicked my voice, “Yeah, and I’ll forgive Lucy when Hell freezes over”.

“That was ages ago!” I screamed, not caring how loud I was anymore.

“sh sh sh sh shhhh,” Lucifer pressed his palms down urging me to lower my voice so the other angels wouldn’t hear. “Yes, well, it took me a bit to get up here. You know, pearly gates and all.”

“Lucy, did you break into Heaven?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Well I had to! How else was I supposed to talk to you?” He asked, moving closer.

I instinctively backed up, fearing what would happen if he touched me, “You weren’t.”

“You’re the one who made a promise to the devil,” He said, playfully, as if I’m the one to blame here.

“I wasn’t even talking to you. How did you hear that?!”

“Oh come on, Rem. You know I can hear when anyone mentions my name.”

“I thought you couldn’t do that from Hell!”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly in Hell… That’s why I’m here! Great news: You can forgive me now! All is well, yeah?”

“Lucifer, you better explain what’s going on right now.”


But I already knew what he was going to say next. Had Hell really frozen over? I didn’t want to believe it, but if he’s telling the truth, who knows what that means for the damned, or the demons.

“Rem! It’s fine, it’s fiiiiiiiiineeeeeee, it’s just a teensy little bit of ice, that’s all.” He said, unconvincingly.

“And how, by God, did ICE get into HELL?!”

“Well…” He began. “To no one’s surprise, the ones closest to Dad are always the worst of the worst…”

He told a long-winded and overly self-centred story about an earth priest’s cult of witchcraft trickery to “purge the sinners”, of which I’m sure he’d left out all the parts where he failed miserably at his one and only job of keeping Hell burning.

“So what now?”

“That’s why I need your help! You’re an expert on this sort of thing. You’ve got all that angel-y voodoo or whatever.”

“… You mean blessings?”

“Yeah, yeah, so c’mon sister, whatcha say? Come to Hell with me? Work a little mumbo jumbo then come right back, no one even knows you’re gone!”


“Yeah, everyone but Dad. Not to mention it took you 300 years to get up here.”

“More or less, let’s go!”

“NO-“ Lucifer grabbed my wrist before I could move away fast enough, and suddenly, we were in an icy dimension. Everywhere the eye could see was completely covered, the red beneath only seen though the transparent layer.

“Lucifer! What the fuck!? Get me out of here!” I tried to use my powers, but it was no use. Blessings don’t work down here, in the land of the damned. I looked up toward the portal to see it covered in ice, like everything else. I flew against it, pushing as hard as I could, pushing for my life, until my wings started to bend and I fell to the ground.

“What in Hell is wrong with you, then?”

“My blessings…’

“Oh right right right, I should have guessed that would happen. Oh well. Guess now you’ve gotta help me. Good to have you back on my team, Rem!”

I would have cried if they wouldn’t have turned to icicles on my cheeks.

Misery sure does love company.