POEM STARTER
Submitted by Freddie
Life Without You
Write a poem or short story about what life would be like without the person you care about the most.
Birds chirping melodies
The wind howls it’s rhymes
My eyes feel heavy
My body feels fine
Undersurface blue lingers
But I’m pain free
Gratitude post-mourning
A surreal sense of me
Time none of essence
Shoulder glances null
This new life without you
The best asked for lull
Lovely language :))
Beautiful!
Oh wow I totally didn’t get this when I first read it, but after reading the final line I read it from the start again and was amazed!
Your poetic language is very subtle, and I loved the manipulation of classic idioms to match the form. Really clever! 😁
A very slight let down in that the final stanza didn’t rhyme as the others did, and this was arguably the only place you needed a compete rhyme; a solid rhyme would have been more conclusive than something that leaves the poem lingering. Perhaps that was the point, but it didn’t seem to match the finality and closure that comes with the poem?
