Breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. My eyes slowly begin to twitch awake. I’ve been here before. You see, Sleep paralysis is an Old friend to me. We are well acquainted, and where many find fear in her presence, I contrarily feel at rest. You see, I ask myself, what is there to fear really? See where many fear a lack of control, I see opportunity to lose control. Even if just for a minute. A moment to breathe, where the unbearable weight of life is not my own. I rest in the freedom. I let sleep paralysis take over, she’s never hurt me yet.

I find life so much more terrifying. There is so much more to fear outside the confines of this friendship. When my body has total control what evils the world can unleash upon me. Maybe sleep paralysis is my mental fortress.

Maybe this is irregular to most, but I’ve alway been different this way. Not fearless. Just unafraid of the irrational. Paralysis is not to be feared. Maybe threats in the darkness are to be feared. Maybe killers. Maybe intruders. Maybe demons. But a little paralysis? No. She is consistent. But the terrors of the world run rampant, committed to unpredictability, all longing to destroy someone who is just the right amount of unfortunate.

So you see It’s not my friend who hurts us, but those who would destroy the vulnerable that hurt us. And those realities exist every day. Awake or asleep.

And as I lay here embracing the lack of control. I think the worst that can happen is the world comes for me. But I’ll at least rest in knowing Sleep paralysis was here for me.