“It’s okay.” I said in response to the weeping puddle of a man who was telling me how pathetic he felt about himself for the third time that week. It wasn’t and I wasn’t but what do you say when all you could want was a crumbled mess on the floor of the bathroom that hadn’t been cleaned in months. “ I got you.” I said as I paid another bill that wasn’t mine. “ don’t worry about it.” I said as I fretted over the issues that weren’t mine to confront. “ I love you.” I lied through my teeth that were stained by tobacco that kept me from pulling my own hair out as I betrayed my intuitions, hoping for an out despite my determination to stay and cling to the suffering I accepted for myself. ‘Be free’ my thoughts screamed at me over and over as I continued to not pick myself. All the the little lies made me a traitor of my own territory and the truth was hardest to bare. To know, with all honesty that I am not a traitor, I was just never on your side.