‘This is clearly a loading/unloading zone mate. I don’t care how far you’ve travelled. This thing is bloody enormous you’ve blocked 5 bays! It’s going to take my lads all afternoon just to clear this snow to get the straps round it.

‘I mean, look at it. You shouldn’t even be bobbing around in that thing mate. Look at all those scratches. It’s a blimmin’ wreck! . You’ve clearly got no idea how to park either. It’s ridiculous. ‘

‘Listen its too late mate. You can wave your arms around all you want. You’ve parked in a restricted zone and this pile of crap is getting towed! End of! ‘

‘Now I suggest you just accept what’s going to happen here cos it is gonna happen. And bring it down a notch before you get yourself in real bother.’

It is what it is, mate. The law is the law and you broke it. I suggest you contact your insurance and pay your fine in the next thirty days or you’ll double it. ‘

Which is usually what I’d say in a situation like this. And what I was gonna say this time as well.

And nine time of ten times it does the job, and I was sure it would work this time. But that was before it ate me…