Thursday

March 12th, 2020

8:05am

School starts in 10 minutes, so I’m trying to get all my thoughts out now. I usually don’t look forward to my school days, but today will be different. Seniors get to skip all their regular classes! We’ll be preparing for spring break and Senior Trip. One week from today, I’ll be exploring the Big Apple!

When we get back, it’ll be the last quarter of high school. I couldn’t be more excited to be done and never grace these halls ever again! I’m not bringing my journal on the trip with me- that seems kinda risky with 4 to a room! So this may be my last one for a while. Until next time.

Friday

March 13th, 2020

10:55am

I don’t know how to find the best words for what I’m feeling. I met in the gym at 8:15 this morning with the rest of the high school for our pep rally. Our basketball team was headed to regionals after winning the sectional tournament last weekend. Even though we’re a small school, we were projected to win regionals and compete in semi-state. Instead of celebrating our team and sending them off, we tuned in to the IHSAA announcement that all further competitions for the season are cancelled.

As if that wasn’t shock enough, our principal turned off the projector and immediately announced that there would be no senior trip either. In his usual fashion, Mr. Leffler tried to put a positive spin on bad news- “but you guys will get an extra week of Spring Break!”

The CDC and WHO have mandated a 14 day shut down of the world. No basketball. No senior trip. Sure, break would be longer- but we can’t even hang out with our friends. Could this get any worse?

Saturday

March 14th, 2020

11:03am

Well, yet another thing cancelled. Our church, who has met twice a week for seventy years, just cancelled this weekend’s services.

No school. No trip. No friends. Now no church.

But since I work at a grocery store, somehow my seventeen year old self is an “essential employee” and I still have to work. Go figure.

Sunday

March 29th, 2020

9:18am

Two weeks, they said. This is my third Sunday watching church services online, and the third week of the end of the world as we know it.

Some are overreacting, some are underreacting, and some are like me- not knowing how to process these things or how to feel.

Three weeks isn’t much more than two- I’m still hanging on to hope that things will be back to normal soon.

Saturday

May 30th, 2020

4:38pm

Today was supposed to be the day I graduate. I’d walk across that stage in front of all my loved ones, representing my walk through life and the completion of my primary education.

But instead, I’m sitting here in bed. Nowhere to go. No one to see. Nothing to do. For what feels like the millionth day in a row.

Things that used to be easy and normal are now so far out of reach. There’s no reason to even leave my room.

Thursday

June 25th, 2020

3:02pm

This is not how I imagined my eighteenth birthday. At home. Alone.

My mom tried to make me feel better by brining a homemade cupcake with a candle to me in my bedroom. It was a nice sentiment. But a cupcake can’t really make this better.

Monday

August 24th, 2020

7:53am

Today, I start college. I’ve set up a desk in my bedroom and have my laptop open and ready for my hybrid-style class.

It’s been months. How long will this last?

Friday

December 25th, 2020

1:12pm

Merry Christmas. All I want is my life back.

Saturday

March 13th, 2021

8:56am

One whole year.

It’s been a year since I stepped foot in my high school. So many unclosed chapters.

I’m about to finish my freshman year of college, and still haven’t stepped foot on campus. I haven’t met a single professor or made a single friend.

Things aren’t quite as intense as they once were, but they are still nowhere near normal.

There’s no point in keeping a journal anymore. I originally started this to track my thoughts. But I don’t feel like myself anymore and have much more time alone in my brain than I ever wanted.