“I’m sorry.” Sasha says.

Her eyes are boring holes into the floor. Her shoulders are tense as if waiting for rejection.

“No. Hey, Sash, can you look at me?” Marcy placed her hand on Sasha’s cheek. The touch was gentle. She wouldn’t force Sasha to look at her if she wasn’t ready.

Sasha’s hand came up to brush the back of Marcy’s and Marcy twisted her palm so that their hands could intertwine. Sasha stared at their hands for a moment before hesitantly lifting her eyes to meet Marcy’s.

“I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’ve been avoiding you recently…” Marcy pauses trying to figure out how to word her apology. She’d recited what she wanted to say over and over in her head, but now that she’s in the moment it doesn’t sound like enough. Sasha needed her and she wasn’t there. How could words be enough?

“I understand why. I wouldn’t want to be around me either.” Sasha looks down at her mud caked boots – Marcy realizes she forgot to remind Sasha to remove them when they entered the bedroom – and Marcy could see tears pooling in her eyes.

“No, listen to me. That was wrong. You're suffering right now and I should have been there for you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there and it made you feel disgusted with yourself. You deserve better than that.” Marcy gives Sasha’s hand a squeeze. Sasha pulls her hand away, curling it into her chest, and Marcy’s heart sinks.

“I don’t deserve better, Marce. People are dead because of me. I– You saw what I did.” The statement settles, heavy between them, but Marcy’s not done because she won’t leave here until Sasha knows that she understands now.

“You did what you had to. If you hadn’t you wouldn’t be here. You are a good and kind person. Nothing will ever change that.” She hoped that got through to Sasha. Marcy doesn’t know what she would have done if Sasha hadn’t come back. Yeah, she’d have Anne, but it wouldn’t be the same. There would always be a half of her heart missing.

A single tear cuts down Sasha’s cheek that she swipes away quickly. Even after all these years she still struggles with showing vulnerability around anyone, even Anne and Marcy. Things like that can be hard to unlearn after years on the streets.

The silence doesn’t last long because immediately after wiping the tear away Sasha gives marcy a small smirk and quirks her right eyebrow.

“I don’t know about nothing. I could always try and take over the kingdom.”

Marcy knows Sasha’s heart isn’t totally in the joke but she plays along because she knows that Sasha needs the levity right now.

“Honey, we both know Anne and I would kick your ass if you tried to do that.”

Sasha laughs through her nose and rests her forehead on Marcy’s shoulder.

All Sasha’s energy seems to leave her as her body goes limp. Everything that’s happened and all the neglect Sasha’s shown her body these past few days catches up to her and Sasha is left drained emotionally and physically.

Marcy makes a mental note to give Sasha another healing draught and maybe something to help her sleep. She always keeps a few of each in her study – considering how accident prone she was and how much trouble she had sleeping herself it was necessary – so she could swing by there a little bit later to–

Marcy’s thoughts are cut short when Sasha breaks the silence.

“I miss Grime.“ Sasha says. Her voice raw and scratchy.

Marcy’s heart breaks and she wraps her arms around Sasha’s shoulders, pulling her close. She wishes that she could take some of Sasha’s pain into her own body, that it could seep into her along with Sasha’s body heat.

Sasha’s lost every parent she’s ever known. Grime gave Sasha food and a roof over her head, but more importantly he gave her a life and unconditional love. Things she lacked for longer than any child deserved. Marcy couldn’t imagine what that kind of loss was like.

“I know.” Marcy whispers the words, quiet like she thinks that if she speaks any louder it will shatter the moment.

“I just want him back. Sometimes…” Sasha’s voice cracks and she swallows, starting over. “Sometimes I wish it had been me.”

Marcy’s blood turns to ice. She had a suspicion that was what Sasha was about to say but it still hurt more than anything to hear out loud.

“He would have never wanted that. He cared about you more than anything. And he’s not the only one. Anne and I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

Sasha burrows her face into the crook of Marcy’s neck and, for the first time since Marcy’s known her, Sasha lets herself cry.