It’s funny how your life flashes before your eyes in moments of fear. You could see special memories with your family, friends, or even a lover. For me, I saw images of my mom before her death. Seeing her beautiful smile again almost made me forget the situation I was in. Life or death. Jumping off a cliff into the ocean or getting shot. Usually, a normal person, who’s not afraid of water, would choose the ocean when being held at gunpoint. Unfortunately for me, I am not a normal person.

I have been afraid of the water since I was a child. My mom took me to the beach once and I got stuck in the rip current where I was dead for half a minute until the lifeguard started performing CPR. The trauma from that trip held me back from ever going in the ocean again. At least I got on the local news and a year’s worth of beach passes right? That moment is also the reason I am being held at gunpoint. Do I risk getting shot and run or do I finally face my fear and jump into the deep blue sea.

Like the idiot I am, I decided to try and outrun them but instead of planting my foot on the steady ground I ended up landing on loose gravel. The side of the cliff that I was once standing on gave out and I started plunging toward the water. The memory of my late mother appeared in my head once again. Pictures of her smile in the park and the slightest feeling of what her touch used to feel like. Then my back hit what felt like concrete and I was engulfed by the frigid ocean. The sea had swallowed me whole.

I can’t decide what took up more time; the fall to the ocean or the fall to the bottom of the ocean. At first, I couldn’t open my eyes. The image of me getting caught in the riptide all those years ago kept replaying in my head. As I sunk further and further, I realized nothing was happening to me. I wasn’t getting caught in the riptide. I was alive. Once I opened my eyes I was blinded by beauty. The ocean was flashing all of these bright and colorful coral reefs with even more colorful fish. I was astounded. How could something I was so scared of be this beautiful? It was impossible to take my eyes off of the scene until I realized that I needed air.

Fortunately for me, my mom taught me to swim before my accident with the rip current. I made it to the surface just before I ran out of breath. I forgot how refreshing the ocean could be. Once I realized the people holding me hostage had left, I stayed in the ocean for the rest of the day, reminiscing the moments me and my mother spent together.