In a sleepy village at the edge of the woods, a house made of straw teetered in the wind like it might just collapse under the weight of a single raindrop. Inside, Pippa, the first pig, was sprawled out in a hammock, scrolling through her phone. She wore, as she often did, a dusty red hoodie that read, “I Survived the Last Wolf Attack and All I Got Was This Lousy Hoodie”. With her face a frozen mask of perpetual teenage angst, she forced out a loud sigh.

Down the path, the Big Bad Wolf trudged along, looking more like a drenched dog than a fearsome predator. His suit was rumpled, his tie crooked, and his fur bristled as if he’d been through a car wash. He turned to the unseen camera crew with an exaggerated frown.

“If they would just let me back in the house,” he grumbled, throwing his hands up, “we wouldn’t have this problem. I mean, how hard is it to forgive a guy? I’ve apologized! Grovelled! I’m practically a changed wolf! But no, they won’t even give me a chance!”

He marched up to Pippa’s door—really more of a sad curtain flapping in the breeze—and knocked. It made a sound like a deflated balloon letting out its last breath. Pippa glanced up and rolled her eyes so hard she nearly flipped out of the hammock. Then she let out a face-splitting sigh that could have registered on the Richter scale.

“Oh, great,” she muttered, half to herself. “Here we go again.” She didn’t bother moving. “What do you want now, Wolf? You already destroyed my home once!”

The Wolf plastered on his most sincere smile. “Pippa, come on, hear me out! I didn’t mean to blow your house down, okay? It was an accident! I’ve been doing personal growth—therapy, yoga, the whole deal. I’m not the wolf I used to be!”

Pippa snorted. “An accident? Really? You ‘accidentally’ blew my house down? I’m not buying it. Not. One. Bit.”

The Wolf’s smile wavered. He took a deep breath, ready for another round of apologies, but his nose twitched. Then it wiggled. Then it launched into a full-on snuffling fit. His eyes went wide. “Achooooo!” The sneeze exploded out of him like a tornado, sending a gust straight at Pippa’s house. The flimsy structure shuddered, rattled, then disintegrated like a dandelion in the wind. Straw rained down in a sad heap.

Pippa stood there, blinking at the ruins, her hammock now swinging from two lonely poles.

The Wolf’s ears drooped. “I… I didn’t mean to! I swear!”

Pippa’s face turned crimson as she brandished her phone like a weapon. “What kind of apology is THAT? Personal growth my $@#%?!” She stepped forward, but the camera quickly panned away, with another cameraman seen silently mouthing, “it’s a $@&#% family show people.”

The Wolf, desperate to make things right, hurried down the path to the next house, muttering apologies. The camera crew followed, taking in the much sturdier structure made of sticks. Inside, Marvin peeked from behind a curtain, clutching a toaster like a sacred relic. His eyes darted around like he was trapped.

“Not again,” Marvin, the number two pig, whispered, hooves trembling. “Not again.”

The Wolf knocked gently on Marvin’s door—this time a slightly better curtain with a stick pattern. “Marvin! Buddy! Let’s just talk!”

Marvin squeaked, “No, no, no! I’m busy! I’m… organizing my cutlery drawer! No trouble, please!”

The Wolf turned to the camera with a sigh. “This happens every time. They think I’m still the old me… Sure, I knocked over a few mailboxes, but that was years ago!”

He knocked again. But before he could say more, his nose twitched. Then, “Achoooooo!” The sneeze blasted through Marvin’s house like a hurricane. Sticks flew everywhere and Marvin’s squeal of panic filled the air.

"My house!” Marvin wailed, holding his toaster tighter. "My beautiful stick house!" The Wolf blinked, at a loss. Meanwhile, the stick-patterned entrance door fell gracefully on the wolf’s head, as if to say, “there there wolf, all is forgiven.”

Further down the lane, in the brick fortress, Lou, the third pig, lounged in a worn recliner, surrounded by protein shake bottles and snack wrappers. He squinted out the window, hearing the chaos.

“What’s all this racket?” Lou grunted, heaving himself up. “Can’t a pig get some peace?”

The Wolf, panting from sneezing and stress, threw the apologetic fabric high into the air and reached Lou’s door. “Lou, I’m just trying to apologize, but every time I get close—”

Lou waved a hoof dismissively. “Yeah, yeah. Just come in. Let’s sort this out like civilized folks.”

The Wolf hesitated, surprised, then stepped inside, looking relieved. “Thanks, Lou. I just want to—”

His nose twitched again, more violently this time. Lou’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Wait… are you…?”

Before he could finish, the Wolf let out a massive sneeze. “Achooooooooo!” The windows rattled, but the brick house stood firm. Lou’s grin widened.

“You’re allergic… to pigs!” Lou announced, triumphant.

The Wolf nodded, rubbing his nose. “Hmm. I guess so… Every time I get near you guys, I sneeze, and then… disaster.”

Lou’s eyes gleamed. “Pig allergies, huh? Wait a minute, we could use this…just think… an anti-pig spray. No sneezing, no houses blowing down. And we name it! ‘Pig-Off.’”

The Wolf blinked, and after a few minutes said, “you think that could work?”

Lou chuckled. “Only one way to find out. Worst case, we make some cash.”

Pippa, covered in straw, and Marvin, still clutching his toaster, poked their heads in. Pippa raised an eyebrow. “Pig-Off? That’s… incredibly stupid.”

Then she turned to the camera. “Okay, it’s brilliant, but don’t tell him. His head’s already orbiting the sun.”

They all gathered as Lou, still beaming, concocted a vile-smelling brew in the kitchen. The room filled with a smell so strong, even the walls seemed to flinch. They sprayed the “Pig-Off” into the air. The Wolf hesitated, then cautiously sniffed. His nose twitched… but no sneeze.

Lou turned to the camera, grinning. “That’s innovation! We’re not waiting around; we’re doing something!” He winked. “And between us… it smells better than Marvin’s cooking.”

Marvin, still hugging his toaster, whispered, “I don’t know what’s happening right now. But I like it.”

He looked at Lou, then back at the Wolf. “Should we patent this?”

Lou’s eyes lit up. “Yes! Patent it! And you, Wolf, you’re our spokesperson! ‘Big Bad Wolf Approved!’ Perfect!”

The Wolf shrugged. “I’ve done worse gigs.”

Lou pumped his hoof. “Let’s do this! ‘Pig-Off’ is gonna be huge!”

Pippa rolled her eyes but almost smiled. “So dumb it just might work.”

The camera panned out as they laughed, sneezed, and kept working together. The jingle played: “Pig-Off, Pig-Off, keeping your house safe from a sneeze and a cough…”

And for once, it seemed they’d finally found common ground — in the most ridiculous way possible. Then the stick patterned entranceway fabric landed on Lou’s head.