I squeeze my fists and clench my jaw, as Luca watches me with a blank stare. I never could tell what was going on in that head. Maybe that’s what made me so interested in him. “We really need to talk this out”, I whisper, taking a step towards him. No reaction. I roll my eyes in frustration. “I just need to know why”, I say, suprised at the quivering of my own voice. Finally, he sighs, “I don’t think you want me to tell you”. “Of course I do!”, I yell at him. Turning away from Luca, my hands rush to cover my face. My face has probably turned bright red and I don’t want to show my hand any more than I already have. My friends always tell me I’m terrible at hiding my true feelings. That was always my downfall. My feelings. “Look”, Luca murmurs, “I just don’t want to hurt you any more”. I clap my hands together as I laugh hysterically. “Excuse me?!”, I blurt, facing towards him again, “You don’t want to hurt me? Do you have any idea of what you’ve done?”. Now it’s his turn to be embarrassed. Avoiding eye contact, he takes a couple steps back, creating distance. Although I suppose that’s nothing new. Over the past year there has been nothing but distance between us. “I know I treated you terribly”, he admits, looking over his shoulder. My heart is pounding in my chest and my head at the same time, tensing my entire upper body. “I needed you”, I hiss, “I was counting on you and instead of being my friend”, my words getting louder and more agitated, “you manipulated me and used me to make yourself feel better”. “I know”, he mutters as his shoulders sink. Then, suddenly, he looks up at me with his beautiful icy blue eyes and reaches to take my hand. I shiver as I remember the time when that was an absolutely normal thing for him to do. “But you could have broken off contact or gotten back at me. I was a total menace. Nobody should have to deal with that”, he said while burning holes into the ground with his stare. “But I thought you were just going through a phase. I was waiting for the old Luca” I swallow, “My sweet, kind, funny Luca to return”. “He doesn’t exist anymore. Sorry to disappoint you and sorry for the hurt I caused.” , Luca states dryly and starts walking in the other direction. “Wait!”, I call after him with tears streaming down my face. Tears that have been waiting for months to come out. “I don’t want to lose you, I-“, I take a deep breath. Do I really want to say this? At this point, it doesn’t even matter anymore. “I love you”. The words leave my mouth as a soft whisper, guided out by the silent crying that just won’t seem to stop. Whatever happened this past year, this has remained the unspoken truth. But my relief leaves my body as soon as I catch a glimpse of his face. His eyes soften in sympathy and his lips are pressed together. Now we can never go back.