I want to stay angry.

Everything you do fills me with rage. I blink, and suddenly my fist makes contact with your face. I blink again, and you are standing far away from me, a distant look in your eyes. I don't care. Why should I?

I take up my sword and fight dragons and beasts of all kinds. I use my anger as my shield to block their fiery attacks from reaching my broken heart. One well-placed strike reaches me, and I stumble back. I reinforce my anger with apathy. Their blows will not reach me again.

I sit in my bed and fight. I will fight and I will win. My anger fuels me as I try in vain to lift my legs. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get-

I look at you. I don't want to fight anymore. The anger that once fueled me to slay giant beasts has now left me as drained as on those days when I lost the battle. My heart is broken. My legs feel numb. I can't speak to you. Please go away.

Why won't this end? Why won't my anger give me strength like it used to?

I struggle to get out of bed. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. Get up. Please for the love of God get up I can't do this anymore please please please-

I reach for my sword. I open it up and read it. I am not the same as I was before. Will you take me back? Will you still love me even though I'm even more broken than I was before? Will you still carry me even after all of the times I rejected you?

If I let go of my anger, I will lose this battle. But if I let go of my anger, I will win this war.