I had a dream once. That the man I loved was married, and I knew it and ignored it the whole time. Then I saw his beautiful kind wife and his blond little girl holding a blanket and then I felt it in my stomach. He was married. Then I felt sick and guilty and wanted him to leave me alone, look at the family you have! How can you pursue me?!

When I woke up I panicked, still thinking he was married. Then I remembered he wasn’t married. He just had sold his soul to the military. That’s who had him, who was in some way taking care of him. Why he’d pursued me perhaps to get what was missing. And the gut feeling of pain I try to wake up without remembering is that he’s leaving. Off to his wife and kid to which he belongs to, not be the little side distraction.

Next to the military, I am the other woman. I am the one he sneaks off to see. Breaks rules for, lies over. But at the end of the day he’s not leaving his wife, he can’t. He’s too invested, he has responsibilities. I suppose I should’ve known this when I started to have feelings for him. I couldn’t understand how it would really be to date a marine. Now I know.

“It’s just another memory I thought you should know Clare. I’m getting old and I won’t live forever. I have many good stories, some true some embellished a bit. Only a bit. I just wanted to tell someone about the first guy I fell in love with.”