This is the worst kind of day to be lost and alone on a mountain.

And I should know, this isn’t the first time I’ve been lost and alone on a mountain before. The first time was amazing, to be honest. My boyfriend and I had just broken up and I just needed to find myself. So I drove to a mountain and lost myself for a few days, the new beginnings and fresh air perfect for being alone.

This time, we’ll, let’s just say is a different story. For starters, I had zero intention of getting lost, none. I wanted some alone time sure, but being lost in this weather is scary as heck. I managed to make myself camp in a relative dry and sheltered area, but I can’t fall asleep, there is no way. So I’m writing this down in hopes that if I never make it home, someone will find this one day and know what happened to me.

The dead trees surround me on every side, creaking in the wind, communicating in a language I cannot decipher. The wind tries to tear my clothes off of me and expose me to his fury. But I refuse, my hand that is not holding my pencil is clutching my coat around me so tightly, I fear I am losing blood circulation to it. Any hope of fire has long since been extinguished, and I sit here, hoping, praying, that I do not freeze tonight.

I keep trying to remember how I ended up here, but my mind keeps drawing a blank. All I remember is being on a hike early this morning, knowing my surroundings, and before I knew it, here I was, no idea how I got here, or where my phone is.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

I just remembered something.

NO ONE IS GOING TO LOOK FOR ME.

FOR A LONG TIME!!!

AHHHHH!!

I guess I should probably explain a little so everyone who reads this understands. You see, I’m a bit, well actually, I am completely and fully, a loner. And have exactly 0 friends. Yay me. My mom and I have a phone call every 2 weeks, but we just called yesterday. So there is a very big chance I will not be missed until 2 weeks have passed. And I’ll probably be dead by then. Yay.

You’re probably asking why I don’t have a job or go to school to something like that, but I don’t have to. When my dad died, he left me and my mom a buttload of money which we split evenly. So for the past 6 months, I’ve been traveling across the country in my van, and I still have enough cash left to last me a year before I would need to work again. And it has been freaking amazing. Smartest decision I’ve made by far.

(By the way, I hope whoever reads this realizes that I’m just writing to keep my blood flowing so I can stay alive. Thanks for being patient with my rambling.)

I wish… I wish… I wish. That’s all I can do now, wish that my life had turned out differently, wish that I’m not freezing to death, wish I could have a future. And it absolutely sucks. I used to be in complete control over my life. Ever since my dad died and my boyfriend broke up with me, I decided that I wouldn’t let anyone get close to me, and that I would have utter control over everything. That way, I wouldn’t have to lose anybody. Or get hurt. Again.

Now look at me, sitting against a tree, snow piling on the ground in front of me, the wind cutting my cheek. Ridiculous. At least I won’t be hurting anyone else when I go. My mom will be a little sad I guess, but after Dad died, we slowly started drifting apart, to basically just being acquaintances. She’ll be happy to get my money anyways, she blew hers gambling and always asks me for some whenever we call.

I guess this’ll work as my will. I want my van and all my belongings. to be donated to an orphanage. And if they can’t use them, I want it all to be sold and the money given to them.

Gosh, it’s so cold out here. I… I think I’m going to stop writing now. Goodnight. Goodbye.

I’m

So

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