Breathing hard, I run. My legs spread faster pushing off the ground. I need to get out of here. My legs scream at me to stop, to give up, but my brain forces me forwards. Sea salt burns my nose and the waves crash forcefully, angrily.

Sharp cliffs stretch across, looming up above me, trapping me in. Though, it’s not as if I would leave. Not today, maybe not even tonight. I don’t know if I even can go back. Not now.

I push forward, my beaten shoes pushing on the wet sand, rained down from the harsh rain, hitting down. Beating back on the earth that beat it down first. Over and over and over again, how am I supposed to blame it?

How can I? Not when I understand so well.

No.

Not when I fit in so well, with the rain hitting this awful world as hard as I wish I could and the greying sky crying as hard as I have. Not with the waves beating down on the sand.

But your not like the waves, Clare. You’re not like the rain or the clouds or the cliffs.

Thunder hits the dark sea, laughing at me.

Waves don’t give up. The sky will stop crying and bright flowers will soon grow on the cliffs, reaching forwards the sun.

I won’t.

I’ll always be trapped in my pain and controlled by my past.

I scream, “be quiet!” The rain hits my face and my chest burns and I can’t see, I can’t see anything. I can feel the salty burn in my eyes, my tears washed away by each little drop of rain. “Be quiet,” I scream again, my voice drowned out by the wind and the rain and my own hate for the world. “Please.” I whisper.

They don’t listen.

The rain keeps pouring and the waves keep crashing. The wind still blows, sand still beats in my face.

“I hate you!” I scream. “I hate you so much.”

The wind laughs and the waves mock me.

I fly forward, my foot trapped on something. My hands scrap across the wet pebbles and sand. My hair wraps around my face as I sit on my knees, finally defeated to the world. Finally beated down and too tired to get up. My head bows down and my hands tremble.

Are you happy? You’ve got me, I think.

You beat me and hit me and pushed me back and you’ve got me down now. You’ve got me down.

I breath, I try to breath. I try to take in air but my lungs shake and my body burns. I’m so tired, so very tired. Tears run down to the sand. One day, I wonder, will they join the sea? Will they join the rain or the soon to be rushing river that runs by my house?

I exhale.

All your hate, all your pain and all your broken parts that match mine. All your beauty. You’ve won.

And I’ve lost.